Wives and racing... the saga cont.

[K3 Chris Onwiler]

Well, you could ride b1tch on any two (or 4) wheeled conveyance with her at the controls... :o ;) ;D

I think it's about time for someone to search the archives for the post about my "date" with Rhiannon aboard Don De Chant's Harley last summer.... ;D

[secularist]

Wierd, for me before I got married I did ALL the SAME things I do now, except now its tearing us apart.  I raced, worked a lot of OT and went out with friends.  She never wants to go out, go to the races with me or basically do anything.  Its all blamed on the dog, no one to watch the dog..bullshit I say.  I have tried everything..she refused to go to marriage counseling, I refuse to quit racing and control riding...I did it before I was married and she knew who she was marrying..job, racing and all.  Just dont know what to do.  My family is all for racing and everything else I do, I want to include her in everything, but she wont do anything.  We argue non stop and I just think its about at the end.  Women (some) are wierd....she knew everything I did before we married, and now its some big freakin problem.

Sean, this is the classic example...once you get married and the woman "has you" she doens't want you to do the things that attracted her to you to begin with...therefore you are no longer attractive to other women.  insecurity issues there, bro.  

my wife and I have battled with a little of the same kind of stuff, just not racing related...I am the same as I was before, she knew who and how I am...she said "I do"...but of course as is the case sometimes, my woman tried to change the rules midstream...not gonna happen.  

it's a bit of a control issue too.  the funny part is that if you concede and let her make all the decisions, she blame you for being a child and not taking responsibility.  if you make your own decisions, then you aren't being considerate.  it's tough to not sound like a complete a$$ when I say this, but I have told my wife  "this is the way I am.  you knew it going in.  take it or leave it."  women will take as much control as you let them.  if you cave, she'll own you forever...you'll be just one of the minivan masses...emasculated with just a flicker of the racer you used to be somewhere in your memories, but even then just for an instant.  I'm not saying that men should be dominant, just hold their collective ground.

life is too short to be with someone who you can't support and who isn't supportive of you.  there are always bumps in the road, but you gotta be happy...good on ya for sticking to your racing and riding, regardless.

[KBOlsen]

Men marry women hoping they'll never change... and

Women marry men hoping they will.

[secularist]

Men marry women hoping they'll never change... and

Women marry men hoping they will.

that should be a t-shirt. ;D

[EX#996]

Man....

I just must be weird...  I cannot believe some of the stuff that I read on this thread.

 :-/

[K3 Chris Onwiler]

Remember Dawn, you are the shining example that all other racers hold their wives up against.  Well, you and Heather.  Not every man got as lucky as Paul and Stumpy did.

[Jeff]

Dawn, you're not alone...  Some of the views are pretty frightening.

Heaven forbid a person stop to think that people change over time, and they themselves are not excluded from this.

[TZDeSioux]

Racing is my escape as is skateboarding and eating dogs and cats and my wife doesn't want to be envolved in it yet she is cool with it and understands that a person needs an escape to remain sane. Now if racing or eating pets became so expensive that it compromised our quality of life.. I'm sure she'd have a big freaking problem and things wouldn't be so cool. I like it that way. I don't need her coming to the track with me. I have enough distractions already with all the delicious dogs running around.  :)

[cardzilla]

For once, I have to disagree with you, Jeff.  At the normal age of marriage (25-27?) a person should be mostly formed.  That's not to say that people don't change a little here and there, of course they do.  However, there shouldn't be a complete shift of personality and lifestyle.  My wife went from coming home and running creative memories meetings and watching FOX news, to going out 2-3 times per week with her 'friends' not inviting me and coming home at 4 a.m. drunk out of her mind... and she usually drove.  That is the kind of change that isn't allowed!  I once actually ran her down because I knew she was driving home drunk, when I caught up (while talking to her on the cell) she insisted she was fine... while going from one lane to the next and so forth.  I finally got her pulled over and in my truck and she verbally abused me all the way home for trying to be her 'father' (one of her favorite lines)... this from a motorcycle racer, ya right.  Upon our arrival she switched her verbal abuse to physical and began to throw blows like a prize fighter.  Luckily she has no strength or skill, but it was still unpleasant.  I managed enough self control to pick her up and put her to bed... just one of the many stories, but change like that isn't normal.  ;)

Kim +1 on the saying, you should make a t-shirt out of it.  Lord knows I'd buy one  :)

[MudDawg]

Sorry to hear your story cardzillla.  But it sounds like videotape of that was warrented for the divorce proceedings.  That's generally considered assault.  

Either way...she's gone.  Done deal.  Move on and UP!!!!

[GSXR RACER MIKE]

Sean, this is the classic example...once you get married and the woman "has you" she doens't want you to do the things that attracted her to you to begin with...therefore you are no longer attractive to other women.  insecurity issues there, bro.

     DEAD RINGER THERE! I gave an example of 3 of my freinds who are going thru, or just went thru, divorces that were initiated by their wives (when all 3 of the wives had been cheating on my freinds). Like myself, all 3 of them use to have motorcycles, snowmobiles, jet ski's, nice vehicles, and I went downhill skiing with each of them almost every winter (the wives often times came too, in fact I taught 2 of them how to ski). Within a few years of being married the wives had forced my freinds to get rid of all the fun stuff (even though all of the 'toys' were already paid for). It's amazing how much more important it was to have the money from the 'toys' to spend on needless remodeling on their newer houses (which were in excellent shape to begin with). It was like each of those guys had their soul ripped out with the loss of each of the things they truely enjoyed to do. After that came the ever so ironic phrases from the wives like "we never do anything fun anymore", "you need to get a hobby", and "so and so's NEW husband does all kinds of fun stuff with her". Also comes the complaining about needing more money to do more needless things around the house to keep up with the Jones'es and that she DESPERATELY NEEDS a new wardrobe. This ended up with my freinds working 60 -72 hours a week to keep the money mongers happy, which ended up with the statement "You don't spend enough time with me". WOW, make the drama go away! :o

     I don't hate women, like it may seem, but I am cautious and distrusting as to the motives by many. As far as marriage goes I read some very interesting articles that talked about the risks vs. reward of marriage at this current day and age. A good point was to think about the amount of risk the husband and wife each bring to a marriage. The questions were asked: "what does a man bring to a marriage that he won't leave with in the event of a divorce, and what does he stand to gain or loose in the long run after a divorce?", the same questions were also asked of women. Think about that one for a minute and you realize that unless the woman is loaded she doesn't stand to really loose anything she had before the marriage and would rarely have to pay a dime after the divorce to the ex husband. Now look at the males risk and you realize just how FUBAR'ed the so called 'shared risk' of marriage is, I fail to see the 'shared risk' in the absolute majority of cases?

     I think if most sane people were presented with an investment opportunity which offered the possibility of average returns, but required that you put up EVERYTHING you have worked for in your ENTIRE life as collateral, I think most would turn away from that as a smart investment and look to something else that gave the same returns without the massive risk. Add to that the possibility to loose 1/2 of everything you have earned in your life, restrictions as to how you can use ANY money you have or will earn, and the possibilty of having to forfeit a large portion of any future money you earn back to that investment after it fails, even many years after removing yourself from it. In the case that the investment doesn't fail, which is becoming more and more rare, you can then expect those average returns originally presented. Looking at it from the just described perspective it's a real eye opener as to how risky marriage really is for a guy.

     More power to those of you that have made it work, I hope it continues. But as for me the only way I would even consider marriage is with an iron clad pre-nup, something one of those articles mentioned was this very issue. The questioned posed was "If someone, male or female, had no alter goals or motives with marrying an individual other than truely being in love with them, then why would anyone be offended by a prenuptial agreement"? I thought that was one hell of a good question that I have never heard a credible response as to why someone would be offended by a pre-nup if they didn't have alterior motives? I mean the whole "Marriage is about trust" response most women give to that question doesn't answer the question at all. I think removing the assets as a factor in a marriage being terminated would actually help to save them, I believe the couple would spend more time actually trying to work things out if neither stood to gain financially by a divorce.

[cbr806]

WOW.  I've been sitting on the sidelines biting my lip trying not to get involved in this, but man Mike - You're right.  I was married for 17 years and the trend just appeared to creep up.  One of my wife's friends gets divorced then the next and so on & so on, and then it was her turn.  I took care of everything $$$ for all that time.  Except for two years of those 17, she had to take care of the house & work on her hobbies.  But guess what?  That just means when she decides to trade you in for a monthly check, the check will be bigger because that's the life style she's accustom to.  It's a great Flocking racquet.  Like you said Mike – the down-side risk for a women is null.  Not saying I was the perfect guy either, but I truly think I did a pretty good job.  I seriously envy your situation Jeffery.  I hope you appreciate it.  And for all the talk of finding the right girl out there - good luck man.  Have you ever heard the saying - 'All the good ones are taken'?  I think it's true.  Hope I don't sound too cynical.  I'll hold out hope.  Any thing can happen.