Wives and racing... the saga cont.

[K3 Chris Onwiler]

I've seen some hellacious divorces.  Most recently, a co-worker kicked his cheating wife to the curb, then at the suggestion of one of her ex-friends, had a DNA test performed on the kid she jammed him into marrage with.  Guess what....?
My parents got divorced.  Dad was a cheater, and Mom was a saint.  finally, Dad needed full freedom to devote to the other women, so he left.  Mom NEVER has gotten fully over it, and never has seriously dated.  20+ years later, she still mourns the loss of her marrage.
Mike, I totally agree that a money-sucking leech-woman has everything to gain and nothing to lose in marrage.  But not all women are like that, just as all men aren't cheaters like my dad.  The problem here is that too many people make the most important choice of their lives for all the wrong reasons.  If your primary reason for marrying a girl is because she's a smoking hottie, then you're just asking for it.  Would you marry a pole dancer?  They are the most beautiful momen in the world, but their entire job is to take money from horny men.  I've seen many wives on a similar mission, and many husbands willing to ante up for the big rack and tight butt.  When the marrage fails, who's fault is that?
Seriously.  Before my wife, I dated dozens.  Most of the motivation for this dating was tucked into my BVDs.  It never occured to me to get married until the day I met my wife, and after that day, it was all I could think about.  If you include the dating part, we've been together 18 years.  In all that time, I've only met one other lady I'd actually even consider marrying if I were single.  So that's a grand total of TWO, COUNT THEM TWO, women who I've considered worth marrying in 42 years.  Back when I was dating, I walked away from perfectly good, pretty, nice women, simply because I was not in love with them.  Remember, lust is not love.
Mike, your post about the risk to a man for being married?  Dead accurate.  The risk to a heartless harpy?  "Oops!  I didn't marry a rich enough guy!"  But the risk to a good woman?  "I gave him my heart, my soul, all the years when I was young and pretty.  had his kids, kept his house, and now he's nailing some stripper and driving around in a red Corvette!"
The problem is that people just don't make good enough choices, or make their choices for the wrong reasons.

[EX#996]

Well...

Now that I know that I am the scum of the earth because I am of the female persuation....    :'(

Let me share some thoughts that worked for Paul and I.  

I knew I had someone special after Paul and I started making our marriage plans.  On my side of the family, bachelor parties are a big thing.  It's their excuse to go and watch strippers, dirty movies and get drunk off their ass (guys, trust me...  If you go and watch strippers... it hurts.  When you look lustfully at another woman when you have us at home, it's a betrayal for us.  Turn it around, how would you feel if your woman went to a male stripper show, started hooting and hollering and stuffing $1's down another guys package?).  Paul, to everyones amazement said, "I don't want a bachelor party."  Well, that set all my uncles reeling (my dad was happy though  :) ) and Paul was on his way to being the 'odd one of the family'.  One of my uncles said we have to go out and celebrate so Paul said sure, but Dawn's coming with us, and that's the way it went.  Paul, myself, and only one of my uncles went to a bar, shot darts, and actually had a really good time.

Paul's friends became my friends and my friends became his.  Although some of those friendships fell by the wayside over the years.  Some who were still single didn't understand why, Dawn (or Paul) always needed to come along.  Yes, marriage changed us...  we do everything together.

So that is how it's been for the past 17 years....  98% of the time, we do things together.  It has also been a lot of compromises throughout the years.  Paul or I would want to do something and we would sit down and hammer out the details.  It's a give and take relationship on both sides.

Good luck guys....

Take K3's advice.  Once you have that ring around her finger, don't think the romance is done.  Go out and have fun, but make sure she still feels special, heck take her along, but don't treat her as the third wheel.  Most women I know, if they're included and wanted (not...  "I had to bring her.") will be sure to do things to make your activity all the more enjoyable.

Dawn

[251am]

  " In Sicily women are more dangerous than shotguns."    -The Godfather


 :o



  Go race, enjoy life, leave the anger behind to become the pro you are.

[dylanfan53]

My wife and I have just about nothing in common.

She likes antique junk...I don't.
She'll spend all day in a junk store looking at junk...I'll whine and make a total a$$ of myself until we leave.
I like to go fast...she's a chicken who doesn't even know how to drive stick shift.
She listens to Kathy Lee Gifford Christmas music even in the summer...I listen to one certain musician almost exclusively, who she hates.
I snore...she does too, so we often sleep in separate rooms.
She likes to do repetitive things...I like to do different things.
I like to travel...she likes to be in her own home.
I've got an edumacation...she's got street smarts.
She likes those real life hospital trauma shows...I like movies.
I'm an emotional boob...I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen her even come close to crying.
I don't know when to crack on the kids and when they've already cracked on themselves...she does.
I race...she says, "Bye, have fun. At least you're not pi$$ing it up against a bar."

We have nothing in common and everything in common because somehow we bring out the best in each other.  I'd be a curmudgeon without her.

After reading this thread, I took her to dinner and we had a nice time.  Bob Evans.  $11.73 + tip.  Did I mention she's a cheap date? Hey, whatever works!  :)

Good Luck Larry. Stay close to family and friends and away from booze.
 ;)

[EX#996]

LOL...

Well, what ever works, Don..   ;)

Say hi to Sue for me.

Dawn   :)

[secularist]

at this point I do feel I should mention that I do love my wife, we are happy together and I'm much better off with her in my life.  I'm very lucky overall, as I waited til I knew enough about myself to find the right person, not everyone does that...

just the other day my wife was talking about a woman in her office who's obsession is getting married...doesn't really care to who.  when was the last time you heard a story like that about a guy?

[Baltobuell]

Sec, A guy that works for me has been married 4 times. Twice to the same woman who was abusive the first time around! He now has so many psyc issues everybody kind of knows to just step back and shake their head.
   Believe it or not there are guys that just have to be married. Even if they live loney lives just to pay her billls. Sad, real sad. For men or women it's self esteem. For whatever reason, they feel not worthy of someone actually giving a shi+  if they take another breath. Women often become premiscuious and obsess about trapping the man of the week. Men will either off themselves, or work way too much just for the money in order to deem themselves worthy.
 Bottom line, humans are crazy. Some a little more so.

[GSXR RACER MIKE]

Now that I know that I am the scum of the earth because I am of the female persuation....    :'(

     Now Dawn, it's quite obvious that we ALL consider you in the 1% catagory, or 1 of the rare 'good ones'. I applaud women like yourself who not only support their husband in what he does but have made it work and continue to. I will be the 1st to admit that I am envious of that type of relationship. :)

[cardzilla]

Dawn --> I didn't have a bachelor party either... maybe I should have?

Don--> We were polar opposites as well and I thought the exact same way you did, just didn't work in our case.

On the note that some men just need to be married.  I am close to that.  There's nothing better than coming home to a loving wife and just being 'togehter'.  It doesn't matter what you're doing, just that it is together.  You can't get that from dating and not even with a serious girlfriend.  It is completely different when you're married.  I married my wife at 120 lbs, in one year she was almost 150, but I loved her just the same.  I would still tell her how beautiful I thought she was every day.  I should have probably noticed that when she dropped back to 115 in two months that something was up.  Having a serious crush will make that happen and that was the case.  Oh well, live and learn.

[Baltobuell]

 When my wife left I was upset.
 When my golden retriever died, I cried.
 A dog loves you even when you work late, or stop and get a beer, or stink from sweating, or go on a date, or buy a new motorcycle, or... they're alot more faithful and always glad to see you without all the conditions.
 You will get past all of this and be a wiser man for having gone through it. Alone isn't bad, sometimes it's real nice. Lonely SUCKS. It's how you look at it.
  You're young, healthy, and apparently a good guy that was willing to sacrifice. Good women are hunting for you. Be choosy next round.

[GSXR RACER MIKE]

     A farm equipment salesman is going farm to farm on a beautiful summer day, he approaches the next farm on his list, gets out of his car, and walks up to the house. When he gets close to the front door of the house he see's the farmer sitting in a rocking chair on the porch with his hound dog laying partially in the sun next to him. The salesman asks the farmer " I would like to show you some info on farm equipment, would that be ok?" to which the farmer replies "Yup". As he starts up the steps he sees the dog lift it's head and look at him, so out of caution he asks the farmer if the dog is freindly, to which the farmer again replied "Yup".

     As the salesman is giving his presentation the hounddog lifts it's head and bellows out an agonizing howel, this startled the salesman, but didn't even phase the farmer so the salesman continued. About 10 minutes later the dog bellows again, followed a little after that with yet another bellow. The salesman is no longer able to concentrate on his presentation so he asks the farmer what is wrong with his dog? The farmer replies "There ain't nuthin' wrong with that dog", to which the salesman responds "Then why does he bellow like that?". The farmer looks at the dog and says "Oh that, well that dumb dog is layin on a nail. Ya see, 2 hours ago when we came out here that was the only spot on the porch with any sunlight so the dog laid down there, he apparently was willing to sacrifice some discomfort for that warm sunlight". The salesman then responds with "Now the dog is barely in the sunlight at all, why doesn't he move and get off that nail"? The farmer then said something that affected him from that point on in his life. "Well, even though that nail was only uncomfortable at 1st, it's gotten to be painful for him now by the sounds he's been making. I imagine the memory of how good it felt layin' there in the sun earlier is what's keepin' him there. I reckon that nail just ISN'T HURTING HIM ENOUGH YET"!

     The salesman completed his presentation and left still thinking about that dog. He realized just how true it is that we do so many things in life just like that, remembering how it was or how it should have been, and end up accepting something that really isn't what we want at all.


     I personally had been laying on a couple nails that I should have gotten up and moved away from years ago, but they weren't hurting me enough yet. Now I'm in the process of moving off of them and it's a great relief, but scars still remain. Whether it's a bad marriage, debt, a bad job, or whatever, thinking about that story can wake you up a bit. Hopefully the sunlight is enough to displace the discomfort from whatever the nails are in your lives! :)