Wife advice needed from racers

[Peanut]

This issue will not go away.  It may subside for a while through negotiation, compromise, etc.., but she won't completely let it go, ever.  It'll just come up in the heat of an argument etc.

Let her know you love her and want to be together but this is something you are not willing to give up, period.  

You don't want to look back after she tries to stop you from doing something else, (because if you give in now, it won't stop here), and realize what you missed.

[Mark Bernard]

Face it... your gonna be in the dog house for freaking years!

[Dawn]

Come on you guys.....

If he tries some of the 'suggestions' that us women provided to him, he may her total support.  

Sheesh....  Give him (and her) a chance.

Women are not all bad.

Dawn   ;)

[Mark Bernard]

Women are not all bad.

Dawn   ;)

You obiousley haven't met my ex-wife...  :-X I used my out loud typing again, I hate that! lol But seriousley, I hope these two work it out. I can't imagine how my season would have gone without Beckys help and support. A great woman in your pits is invaluable!
There were alot  of good sugestions thrown out here. I hope some will help there situation. Mark!

[Thorny]

Do what I did Cardzilla, divorce her and get on w/it. You said it best, She new getting into this you were a die hard bike dude. You don't buy a car with a scratch on it then go complain to the old owner how they scratched it!!
 This season might be for me the most fun ever. No argueing about being gone, no argueing about how much it cost, and she would probably greatful to see me get hurt so it is all going to work out!

[Peanut]

Do what I did Cardzilla, divorce her and get on w/it. You said it best, She new getting into this you were a die hard bike dude. You don't buy a car with a scratch on it then go complain to the old owner how they scratched it!!
 This season might be for me the most fun ever. No argueing about being gone, no argueing about how much it cost, and she would probably greatful to see me get hurt so it is all going to work out!

LOL.  I am also excited for next year, mine should be final before the end of the year.  What a change it will be to beable to totally concentrate on racing while at a race track!  :)

[OmniGLH]

Unless you have a RARE one - she probably isn't going to change.  Being that she IS your wife, you do owe it to her try to find out if she IS one of the rare ones who might actually come around and enjoy herself if given the chance.

A buddy of mine who races with us has a wife that sounds like yours.  He is Mr. Motorcycle... always has been.  Met her, she loved it.  She would go so far as to set up group rides, etc.  They got married, and she did the all-too-common "flip-a-roo" and decided she hates motorcycles.  He fell off the face of the earth for a few years before coming back around and deciding to try racing.  As soon as she heard he was thinking about trying racing (before he even bought the bike), she started talking divorce.  

I have a theory that each woman has TWO "ideal" men:  the one they want to DATE, and the one they want to MARRY.  The "date" guy is the bad ass with the sports car, motorcycle, flashy clothes and haircut.  The "marry" guy is the guy who is happy driving a minivan, can't wait to ditch his friends and personal life, and wants nothing more than to stay tied to the house 24x7.  

It seems, at least amongst my group of friends, that most women marry the ideal "date" man - and try to change him into the ideal "marry" man.  Not cool.

Good luck.  I say, give her a true sincere shot.  Try for a season to get her out and involved.  If not... hang it up and go solo before something like kids happens.  Otherwise I think she'll just wind up being a sore spot to you... the reason you "woulda-shoulda-coulda" but didn't. The guys here who married girls like Dawn, Tiff, Heather, etc are EXTREMELY lucky.  They got one of the rare ones.

[AtlantaR6]

could do what i did.  After 20 years of marraige, and putting off everything i loved to raise two boys and keep her happy, i got into racing.  First the street, then track, tried racing and found i could actually win.  She hated it at first.  I actually told her after all the hell she put me thru for almost 5 years going thru "the change", that if she didnt like it, the door was open and she was free to leave.  All i asked of her was to come to the track, meet the people there, and at least see what its all about. I really wanted someone to share this experience with, and i told her i wanted it to be her, that she REALLY didnt want me to make the decision "her or racing".  She wouldnt want to know my answer.  

Well, 3 years later, we're still together, have a 40' RV we take to the track (HER decision to buy), and im gearing up a new bike for next season.  She LOVES going to the track.  Shes not into the "racing" aspect as much (unless its either me or some of our friends out there), but she has met so many people, made so many friends, that she loves to socialize.  I seriously was ready for the marraige to end over this.  I had just put up with so much other stuff, that when, in my eyes, she was going to deny me something that i had a huge passion for, after all the things i sacrificed for her over the last 20 years, i had really "fallen out of love" with her and this was the straw that broke the camels back.  We are happier now than we have been in a LONGGGGGG time, and i can thank racing for bringing us back together.  We just celebrated 22 years last weekend and its great.  Even my youngest son is now racing mini's, and my oldest has been working corners for almost 3 years as well.  We've turned it into a family thing.

Good luck :)

[dylanfan53]

This is a very interesting thread.  I think the women's answers are a heck of a lot more thoughtful than the men's and it's interesting to see how they think.  It's been a few days since I read the first few posts but my impression is that they were more optimistic than the love it or leave it responses.  

Since I wanted another perspective on this I asked my 17 year old (who has only seen me race once) what he thinks his mother thinks about me racing.  

He said she likes it because:
1) She's happy that I have something I enjoy so much, and
2) She enjoys me leaving for a couple days so she can have the house to herself and some peace and quiet.

(Okay, I admit it.  I have a terrible habit of talking back to the TV. This includes thinking I can change the world by giving Tom Brokaw all the answers during the national news broadcast and telling the Entertainment E channel bimbo that she's a shallow slut.)

My only advice is to listen to the women's responses on this.  I think you already displayed a little too much independence by pushing forward with such a large committment without keeping her posted along the way.  Gradually getting her used to the idea (some would say wearing her down) would have been a lot better than springing it on her all at once.  My wife doesn't want to be consulted about my every plan, but she knows I won't ignore her either.  She knows how much I like racing by the work I put into it and the enthusiasm she sees that I have for it. Since she knows how important it is to me she wouldn't ask me to skip it unless it were for something very important.

Some people get lucky by having a spouse who shares the race activities with them, and that's fine.  I got lucky by having a spouse who is willing to step aside and let me run with something I enjoy doing.  She only visits the track a couple times a year and we're good like that. Different style, but still a good outcome.

[clutch]

My wife hates it.  Says its too dangerous, away from home too much...blah blah blah.  Ya know, I dont complain about anything she does, wether it be shopping, going out etc...SPENDING MONEY.  I think they are jealous to a point.  I have been into bikes my whole life and was doing this before I met her.  The way I see it, dont let anyone smash your dreams.  Life is too short and when you are 85 years old you will regret not doing it when its too late.  She tells me about danger..she's police..geez ya know.  Many more people get hurt on the streets than in cycle racing.  Look at the poor nizzles who get up, take a shower, eat their bagel and get waffled by a bus when crossing the street.  If I were you, I wouldnt lie to her though, that just makes things worse in the long run.

[KBOlsen]

I'm doomed.  Can't imagine being involved with a man who wasn't at least ten times more mechanically inclined than I am... and equally as understanding of this addiction!

[clutch]

You are an exception to the rule Kim.  :)