Wife advice needed from racers

[MJFRacing]

. . .He told me that he would not ignore me for those things anymore, now he just spends every dollar on those bikes.

Haven't seen one piece of jewelry, dinner, nothing. Got push back when I suggested a cruise, that we couldn't afford it!

We also have no children, something that he knew was important to me before we got married. He owns his own business that if he gets injured we could lose our house. I also have no idea the amount of money he has actuallly spent on this because he doesn't tell me. I do know that when I wanted to spend 500 on season football tickets, than I was read the riot act. . .

 :) You're not awful. You just don't understand. Let me try and help - 1. At least he's not golfing or gambling. 2. Jewelry? What could be prettier than a race bike?! 3. You just hang in there. I'm sure next season you'll have great seats at the football game of your choice! (An entire season of football is a bit much. Do you realize what tires alone cost for a weekend?!) You can't take this away from him. Larry is a very quick and successful rider. Be proud and supportive. In fact, maybe get a second job. You can give him some extra money for a race weekend (remember, be supportive  ;D) and if you chose not to attend it will give you something to do to pass the time!

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Finished 1st,3rd,3rd, and 5th and even won some Honda money, however, I told my wife I was at a "track day". . .

Larry - you sound fast. Buy some damn jewelry and give it to her over a nice dinner!

Take her to a football game and during the slow times ask her where she'd like to go on her cruise! (Make some use of that Honda money!)

If she still isn't crazy about this entire plan make sure the life insurance policy is paid up. Racing isn't cheap but it will help you get past your loss.  ;)

J/K  Get her out to the track and introduce her to some of the others. She'll have a great time!

[EX#996]

We also have no children, something that he knew was important to me before we got married. He owns his own business that if he gets injured we could lose our house. I also have no idea the amount of money he has actuallly spent on this because he doesn't tell me. I do know that when I wanted to spend 500 on season football tickets, than I was read the riot act.
So, to all of you who think I am this awful person that he should just walk away from, there is my side of the story.

Hello and welcome to the board....

Please forgive some of the boys who like to talk out their < insert your own word here >.   ;D

I can understand your desire to have children and your fear of him getting hurt and losing everything.  However, if we let our fears dictate our actions we will be living in fear our entire life.  That doesn't sound fun to me.

People ask me how I can let Paul race.  Afterall, we have a daughter, it takes both of our incomes to support our household, and what if he gets injured and becomes disabled?  While those are vaild concerns, the thought of missing out on the enjoyment and family time that we have in the sport well outweighs the risks.

Renee (our daughter) has spent many years at the track.  Like a very smart racer once said "color is the paint that you put on your bike and Creed is a band."  She has had the experience of meeting people of all nationalities and personalities and can't understand why people are prejudiced against others.  She also gets to witness others helping others when someone crashes, gets hurts or needs to fix there bike.  Racers are like one big family.  I don't know of any other activity where she could observe this type of behavior among adults and this will make her a better one in the future.

So....  What if Paul gets does hurt or killed? Well, I have tried to position ourselves that if he does get killed or disabled, that I have a way to maintain our household.  Here some hints:

Disability Income Insurance - - to replace the lost income if he would become disabled.

Life Insurance - - I make sure that we have enough on each other to cover all of our debt incase one of us should die.

Liquid Assets - - Cash, mutual funds, etc.  You just have to be sure not to be tempted to dip into them.

The most important thing in our lives is to trust in God.  What ever comes our way in our lives, we can handle it.  It may sound kinda silly to others, but we have gone through....

Almost losing Renee before she was even born....

I had surgery four months after our marriage and almost didn't wake up...

Renee had heart surgery at five years old...

Having one day to find a place to live for ourselves, 3 dogs, 2 cats, 4 horses, and a whole bunch of chickens.  (We sold our farm and was in the process of buying another, one day before we were to move in, the seller tried to back out.  That was 9 months of hell).

Paul and I work very hard as I'm sure Larry and yourself do.  Racing is a sport that we can enjoy together (we're in a motor home, we better get along  ;) ) it's our escape from the everyday doldrums.

Good luck and I wish you both well.

Dawn Buxton

[RdRcr150]

Married 27 years, racing 34 years, crashed bad twice, died once, wife is nurse, still doing it but not as much. After a particuarly bad crash at Daytona in 1987 she asked me not to race, but only at Daytona. I didn't race there for five years and then I gont on my knees and begged and she relented.
Advice? Don't lie ever! If she objects strongly then you have to decide what's most important to you a lifelong mate or having fun.

[bigtuna]

Well, just an update.  It does appear that I've worn her down and racing is a go.  Of course, this could be the same situation as when you ask "Honey, are you mad?" and you get the "No, of course not" while she stares out the window, but we'll see.  I am going to race either way.  Thanks to everyone for the great advice, it certainly helped.  To Dawn and the rest of the gals I have one more question.  I still haven't come clean about the race I did in '04, what would be a good way to do that?  I was thinking over a nice dinner at her favorite restaurant...

she gave in to this season, why mess that up and tell her that you lied.

But then again,  if she goes to the races with you this season and someone mentions how well you did last season you could get yourself in trouble......you are damned if you do, damned if you don't.


 :P

[cardzilla]

Well, I guess it was the usual misread of a woman, it was the "I'm not mad" when she's really VERY mad type thing.  I'm not going to defend myself on a CCS board against my own wife.  I am so mentally stressed on a daily basis I wonder if I'll even be able to ride this season regardless of what she wants.
I wanted to go all out this season and try to get some sponsors, switch to an '04 to get some Honda $$ (hopefully) and when I say that I get grief.  However, without these things racing costs more money, then I get grief for that.  Tuna, You're right... $%^& if you do $%^& if you don't .
I tried to explain what racing, and competition means to me, but I am no good at expressing my feelings, never have been.  It's like technical jargon flows like water, but how I FEEL needs a translator on the way out and he's always napping (must be a union job :) . I am preregistered for a track day at Jennings, and then Daytona... after that, who knows?

MODERATORS --> shut it down! lock it up, put a bullet in this dead thread ... see everyone at Daytona

[spyderchick]

My 2cents..for what it's worth, (been married 25 years come april, you decide): you need to sort out this whole relationship thing before you decide to go racing again. Racing will be there, your marriage might not. What's more "important"?

Sit down and really think about what's important to you. If you were to NEVER race again, could you be happy? If you were to NEVER see you wife again, could you be happy?

Think of it this way: From childhood to adulthood, we are told we should do certain things, want certain things and expect certain things, and this will make us happy. Question is, if none of those things were never to occur, could you still be happy?

My answer has been yes, and here's why: No person, no place, no thing, no job, no hobby will ever make you happy. If you get a new toy or are successful at something, that elation is fleeting. However, if you become happy and content with who you are, without EVER owning a single thing, without EVER hearing praise from another person, without any valadation other than that which comes from within, you can achieve contentedness.

So BOTH of you need to work toward a solution as neither of your needs are being met in this marriage. Respect, communication, compromise and a bit of humor will go a long way. You both need to decide what makes you "happy". If you can respect the others needs, communicate that you understand their needs, but that yours have importance to you, compromise a solution, and laugh after you go through the porcess, I see you both be very happy people. Oh..and honesty? Something that's missing from your marriage on both sides, yet a must if you two are to work this out.

[EX#996]

Yeah.....

What Alexa said.

 ;)

[jaxgatorgal]

"So....  What if Paul gets does hurt or killed? Well, I have tried to position ourselves that if he does get killed or disabled, that I have a way to maintain our household.  Here some hints:
 
Disability Income Insurance - - to replace the lost income if he would become disabled.
 
Life Insurance - - I make sure that we have enough on each other to cover all of our debt incase one of us should die.
 
Liquid Assets - - Cash, mutual funds, etc.  You just have to be sure not to be tempted to dip into them."

Thank you for your practical advice. But Larry cannot get disability insurance because he is self employed. He has no life insurance policy and the only reason that "started" looking them was at my insistence. He still doesn't have one and expects me to be proactive in the search. The only thing he cares about are those bikes and his racing "career." He has made it abundantly clear to me that the racing is his main priority, he does not care about what would happen in the event that something happens to him.
I wish we had some sort of savings, but the $ we had is sitting out there in the garage. Little by little I was being taken for a ride, pardon the pun.
This racing thing is just another tic mark on the list of things that he has done for himself, and I just can't take it anymore.
Thank you to all of you that gave your advice.

[cardzilla]

Ok, now we can finally shut this thread down.  After 3 days of what I can only describe as all out war between my wife and I, I have relented.  I am done with racing for good.  The mental stress I've been put under has now exceeded any enjoyment I get from riding.  Probably for the best because at 32, it really is time to pack it in, play golf and other "safe" things.  I'm considering becoming a tuner of some sort as I have a knack for building really fast bikes... and I really enjoy that.  Of course, I'll probably need some insurance for my knuckles, a tetnus shot, mechanix gloves, a disability policy for when I sprain a wrist while torqueing an axle, and a liability policy for when someone sues because they're down a few HP  ::) I am going to post all of my stuff for sale... and it is a lot of stuff, everything from tire warmers to CCS certificates so if you need anything go check in the classifieds.
Been great while it lasted, everyone have a great season, hopefully I'll see you all at the track in some capacity in the future.