Wife advice needed from racers

[hi-side_racing]

If it comes down to the money issue... racing is way more expensive than a divorce, and it is always nice to have that second income to help subsidize the racing... time to kiss some serious butt... then go racing  ;D

[MZGirl]

I can't tell from your post, but have you told her that the track day at Roebling was actually a race?  Or does she not know that?  

You need to communicate more with her and give her a chance.  It sounds like you're railroading her with your plans.  From her point of view, you've gone from getting a bike and doing a few track days to now a major time, effort, and money commitment with doing an entire race season.  Up until this point you haven't communicated to her your feelings or goals, and now they've been built up even higher to where when you DO communicate to her it's a lot to deal with.  You've kind of backed her into a corner because of this, so she's being defensive, which is probably where the time & money arguments are coming from.

Don't discount her feelings by chalking it up to jealousy.  You could be way off base there because you haven't been communicating to her.  

[MZGirl]

I also got a lecture about racing smart and throwing away a championship.

That's why my plates are white and yours are yellow.   :P ;D

[Dawn]

That's why my plates are white and yours are yellow.   :P ;D

Ooooo.........

... that one hurt.    ;D

 ;)

[KBOlsen]

Yeah, what Dawn and Heather said!

[stumpy]

 I guess I have the opposite problem, I try to skip a race and my wife tells me to get my aZZ on the bike ::)  I tell her it's really expensive...She says we'll eat tuna all week :-/  Or when I crashed in T1 at BHF, She was in the stands yelling "that was 42 points"!!!  Our family vacation is gonna be bike week ;) IT's not always greener on the other side! O.k. Maybe it is ;D ;D ;D  Wife's Right! I guess your gonna have to sell that pimp RR to best buddy StUmPy :-*



Stumpy

[motomadness]

Stumpy you definitely ride WITH a crew that supports your dreams, I believe it was a key to your success this season.  Look forward to hearing the speech at the banquet.

[cardzilla]

Wow, I guess it is good to have all of you out there because all of this is great feedback.  It is good to hear someone else's viewpoint. I am mulling everything over for a week or two, and just to clarify, I would never leave my wife for racing... I'd just be po'd for a lifetime.  Oh yeah, stump, keep dreamin' !  The way I hear it, you don't need a bike this trick  ;)  

[K3 Chris Onwiler]

God, I wish my novel was published!  Dealing with the wife is a big part of the plot.  
Let me tell you everything I know about women.



                                 ::)




OK, but here are a few things that I suspect.
Basic "Venus vs. Mars" here.  A man wants adventure and excitement.  A woman wants a safe nest.  Racing works great for the first, but compromises the heck out of the second.
See this from her point of view.  Think nest.  Papa Bird could bust a wing.  Maybe even his neck.  All the nest money is going into a flying machine.  Papa wants to spend 20 weekends away from the nest next summer.  Where does that leave Mama Bird?

Alone, broke, worried, and maybe without a mate or a nest.

Not most women's first choice.

You fudged it WAY BAD by lying in the first place.  That was just proof that what you are doing is wrong.  If it wasn't wrong, why would you have to lie about it?
All the advice posted is good.  First, you have to fix that lie.  Hopefully, lying to her isn't a habbit of yours, because that would make it impossible to fix.  But if it is totally against your nature to lie, then you might get away with the insanity defense.  Tell her that wanting to race so badly for so long has made you insane enough to lie to her, and that you are truely sorry.  Then pour out your heart to her.  Explain that racing is that one thing you've done that really made you feel real and alive.  Tell her about the way all the B.S. in life just dissappears when you're racing.  Tell her that this is the outlet you need to release the pressure of your daily life, so you don't end up in some tower with a sniper rifle.
Don't minimize the risks.  Women can smell B.S. a mile away, and you're covered in it already.  The only way you can sell this whole racing thing is to get her to understand that racing is what nourishes your soul, and puts back the good feelings inside you that the world burns out on a daily basis.  If she really loves you, then she wants you to be happy.  She needs to understand that this is what it will take to make you truly happy, and nothing else will do it.

If that doesn't work, walk.  You'll just end up hating her if she strictly denies that thing that makes you right with the world, and eventually it will destroy the relationship.  I had an ongoing, three year fight with my wife about my racing, but she eventually realized that it was the only thing that makes me truly happy, and she loves me enough to understand that it would be better to lose me if I died doing what I love than to keep me miserable in a cage.

I get away with what I do because I never let my wife wonder how much I love her, and I never lie to her.  I HAVE been known to OMIT certain details.... (Why are there TWO bikes with your race number now?) but I always tell her the truth.  She's come to the conclusion that a "don't ask, don't tell" policy is fairly healthy where racing is concerned.
I hate to say this, but marrage is all about love and trust.  You've already blown the trust thing.  Racing has broken up a lot of marrages, but you can figure that a bass boat or a strip club addiction would have done just as good a job.  If you don't have a good, strong marrage before you go racing, you're doomed.  Only you know how you really feel about being married, and where your relationship is at.
When it comes down to it, I'd choose my wife over racing, because I love her.  She's my best friend.  The wife would love it if I grew disinterested in racing, but she knows better, and loves me enough to accept that.
Hey, sorry if I was harsh.  Good luck!

[Nbot]

Good advice Chris...I'm only engaged to be committed (I mean married!) but my fiancee has been a part in the whole process of me getting into racing...she likes to talk a lot (I mean alot!) which I assume most women do, and so instead of just watching tv and ignoring her I tell her quite a bit about what I'm up to...considering the benefits of a SV vs. 600, dunlop vs michelin, etc....go out and rent/borrow the dvd "Faster" and watch it with her (only 1 GP'er has died racing....especially the end where everyone's talking about how if you want to go faster, go to a track where its safer!) Like Chris said, you gotta let her know that moto riding is where your heart is, and that you'll be soooo less inclined to be riding fast on the streets if you can get your kicks on the track=much safer (dogs, gravel, guard rails, cages, you know the drill....). Plus you've got to get her involved, make it seem like quality time together, not your time away from her. I don't know how strong your relationship is, sounds like it might need some rekindling of the fire, maybe this is just the opportunity you need........

[rotoboge]

I have been through this before... She needs to have a hobby like you have yours, if not, it will not work out in the long run. Try to encourge her in those areas that interest her and support her. Otherwise, it all fails for both = no racing at all.

[Nbot]

Yes you're compromise might be spending time doing things she wants to do, might not get to do a full season now, but more races over the years...