A very bad day...

[tigerblade]

All you have to do to make you smile is type dirty words that aren't really dirty words into the CCS boards.  Like cockroach and dickory!  LMAO!

[Super_KC124]

Life is like a roll of toilet paper.....the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. ;)

[Jeff]

"Welcome to Hell, my name is Brian"

"Hi Brian"

OMG was that stuff funny...

[Eddie#200]

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in Hell. As he
is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with
a demon:

Demon: Why so glum, chum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in Hell.

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of
fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On
Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila,
Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab... we drink till we
throw up and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get
the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our
friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay...
you're already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps,
blackjack, horse races, you name it. We even opened up
a pai gow poker table.

Guy: Gosh, I never played pai gow before...

Demon: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help
yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie
the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you
want, and if you overdose, it's okay... you're already
dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized that hell was such a
swingin' place!

Demon: You gay?

Guy: Uh, no.

Demon: Oooh, you're gonna hate Fridays...

 

[Dawn]

Mathematical Viewpoint

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What makes 100% what does it mean to give more than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
we have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%
how about achieving 103%

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

IF: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z  is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11= 98%

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5= 96%

BUT

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E-=1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5= 100%

AND:

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T= 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND LOOK HOW FAR ASS KISSING WILL GET YOU:
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G= 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7= 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that While hardwork and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Asskissing will put you over the top.   :-*  :-*  :-*


 ;D

[Burt Munro]

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."  T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly
drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out in to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got
up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government
Worker and said, "What can your cat do?".

The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk,
sh** on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put
in for Workers compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.