Thanks for all the e-mails....

[Dawn]

Want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.  I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.  I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.  I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.  I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.  I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.  I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.  I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.  I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.  I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.  Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.......
 
 ;D

[PJ721]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

Dawn..you just made my day!

and I sent it out......so I'm safe! right?

[spyderchick]

Did you write this or get it as an email? ;) ;) ;) ;) :D :D :D

[Dawn]

Did you write this or get it as an email? ;) ;) ;) ;) :D :D :D

I'm not nearly this clever.  

This was an e-mail.  Since I put it on the board, I figure I'm safe from having that bird poop on me.

 ;)

[Johnny B]

TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE MY FRIENDS!

Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath. I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask?

Because you are my friend.

Remember: A good friend will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel !!

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of two, and one of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway.