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It's not that my wife & I have problems...

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Burt Munro

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It's not that my wife & I have problems...
« on: November 20, 2004, 07:39:05 pm »
But I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.  Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.  You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell while monkeys fly out of her butt.
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Burt Munro

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Re: It's not that my wife & I have problems...
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2004, 07:50:33 pm »
I guess it all started when I attended a Teamsters Union convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

When I got to the first one, I asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, I stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

My search continued until finally I reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

So then I asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" I said.

I handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

"I'd like her," I said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam.

Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and she's next."
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Super Dave

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Re: It's not that my wife & I have problems...
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2004, 01:08:44 am »
LOL! ;D
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Super Dave

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cardzilla

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Re: It's not that my wife & I have problems...
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2004, 02:38:16 am »
That's AWESOME... I am going to have to remember that trick for the next trip to the jewelry store, but I'd be happy with just being allowed to race anyway (see previous thread).  I think at 32 I've gotten to a stage where I'd rather ride a well set up bike than a woman  ;D
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Larry Dodson
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