virus humor

[old.racer]

•     Paul Revere Virus - warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\
•     Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus- instantly turns 1 KB of disk space into 1 MB of disk space
•     Ollie North Virus - plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files
•     Joey Buttafuaco Virus - only attacks minor files
•     Sandy Berger Virus - stuffs files into it's folders, then deletes them
•     Denise Austin Virus - attacks your hard drive's FAT
•     Tonya Harding Virus - turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons
•     Oprah Winfrey Virus - your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB
•     AT&T Virus - every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
•     MCI Virus - every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus
•     Politically Correct Virus - never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
•     Ross Perot Virus - activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits
•     Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - terminates and stays resident: it'll be back
•     Government Economist Virus - nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine
•     Federal Bureaucrat Virus - divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer
•     Jane Fonda Virus - aids and abets other viruses on your system while your antivirus program tries to delete them
•     Adam and Eve Virus - takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer
•     Congressional Virus #1 - the computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem
•     Congressional Virus #2 - runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything
•     Airline Virus - you're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore
•     PBS Virus - your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money
•     Jimmy Hoffa Virus - your programs can never be found again