Bike Clubs

[Chef]

A little old lady wants to join a biker club.  

She knocks on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded
biker with tatoos all over his arms answers the door.  She proclaims, "I
want to join your biker club."

The guy is amused and tells her that she needs to meet certain biker
requirements before she is allowed to join.

So the biker asks her, "You have a bike?"

The little old lady says, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points
to a Harley parked in the driveway.

The biker asks her, "Do you smoke?"

The little old lady says, "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a
day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."

The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by
the Fuzz?"

The little old lady says, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz,
but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

[Dawn]

Ike....

Stop talking about my grandma like that!   >:(

Dawn   ;)

[Chef]

we wanna be in shape for the season,  rite???  (be nice Dawn)

It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise,
but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of
different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary"
research they are proud to present, to the LOV group, the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories


PUTTING ON A PRESERVATIVE:
With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories


PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary............................. 12 Calories
69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
69 standing up......................... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow............................ 216 Calories
Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories
Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories

ORGASMING:
Real................................... 112 Calories
False.................................. 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over............................ Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories

 ;D

[Dawn]

.... and you wonder why you get in trouble sometimes?   ???

[Chef]

Ike....

Stop talking about my grandma like that!   >:(

Dawn   ;)

i know i got a problem puttin stuff on the web, but she told me about it, so.....
plus i aint got no other friends (sept you and her), so i figured as long as i didnt type any fr*^#@!$*g swear words, you wouldnt mind.... :-/

Dawn,..... i miss you  :-* :-[

[Chef]

.... and you wonder why you get in trouble sometimes?   ???

i wonder why im not in trouble sometimes

 >:( ::) ;D

[TZDeSioux]

plus i aint got no other friends (sept you and her)

and me!  ;)

[EX#996]

With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories

Ike:

How many calories would you burn if you were the father in this situation?  After all, your daughter is heading into her teenage years.

Perhaps you would like to encourage the young gentlemen out there to be kind, dedicated, and faithful to thier women.   ;D

Dawn   :)

[Chef]

Ike:

How many calories would you burn if you were the father in this situation?  After all, your daughter is heading into her teenage years.
Perhaps you would like to encourage the young gentlemen out there to be kind, dedicated, and faithful to thier women.   ;D
Dawn   :)

i wouldnt burn many calories at all (pullin the trigger)  :D
besides these guys you speak of arent on this board, these are all hardened
felons here (sept for Rev Duck and you)  and they dont relate well to others or positive encouragement :)  
i was just tryin to make a funny  :-[
 :D   i hope your daughter is not readin this stuff, Dawn.