We need a work sucks thread....

[Dawn]

OK everyone,

I'm really pissed off at work today.  While this may be the norm for some of you, it's not the norm for me.  That being said, if any of you have good "work sucks" jokes that you could share (be sure they are work safe), I would really appreciate it.

Dawn  

[spyderchick]

Take a deep breath, release. Another deep breath, release. Another...now scream at the top of your lungs.

Doesn't that feel better?  ;) ;D

[grasshopper]

If you are stressed, make sure you communicate this to those around you. Soon they will be stressed to.  ;)

[DragonSlayer]

I work 3rd shifht & have to go outside at night,that really SUCKS

[Burt Munro]

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T!

1. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a da*n.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks

[speedster_1]

You must not be working hard enough if you got time to post!   ;D

[Dawn]

Thank Rick....

That's the post I needed.

Dawn   :)

[Dawn]

Take a deep breath, release. Another deep breath, release. Another...now scream at the top of your lungs.

You know...

This might be fun.  Can I actually scream at people?

 ;)

[LMsports]

Work sucks???? I LOVE my job!

[EX#996]

Work sucks???? I LOVE my job!

LOL!!!

Good for you!   :D

Most of the time I like mine too, but we had fun playing office politics and 'in order to make X process more effecient, we think that this could be handled in your department.'   ::)  I'm known for being a level headed, let's look at the big picture, let's see what we can do to get this to work type of person....  Man, when I barked today, people sure jumped.   ;D  < Didn't matter though, I was still pissed >

I'm over it now....

Tomorrow's another day,

Dawn   :)

[putter]

Dawn, if you resort to drinkin a couple of Leinies at work I won't tell anyone.

[G 97]

I LOVE my WORK. ::)


Time to nuke this thread.  ;D

[putter]

Hey Garth, awesome what NESBA did for the Team Fund For Chris. Got your stickers on my bodywork. :)

And shaddup, you ride bikes all the time for work.

[EX#996]

Yeah Garth...

What does you job pay?  I could see riding bikes all day.  I've got experience, on the dirt, on the ice, on the street, (only once on the track but that could change).   ;D

Dawn  

[K3 Chris Onwiler]

Rent the movie Office Space.  That is the funniest workplace comedy ever.  I swear to God, my boss has the same delivery and uses the exact same sayings as the boss in that movie.  No joke.  I think they followed my boss around with hidden cameras to get this guy's character down for the movie.

[StumpysWife]

Today you can have AMA live timing on as a sideshow.

www.amasuperbike.com

Heather

[StumpysWife]

I'm pretty happy with work.  Anytime I can get off to go home and watch the races live, I'm happy as a clam.

That and I'm the only one here this week.   ;D

Heather

[G 97]

Hey Garth, awesome what NESBA did for the Team Fund For Chris. Got your stickers on my bodywork. :)

And shaddup, you ride bikes all the time for work.

Good cause.  Ed's Honda and Darrin are tops.   Thanks for running the stickers.  

2005 rep bike is 05GL1800 ABS model.  I am now a "Winger"  lol.  

Why don't you buy Brainerd.

[Dawn]

Today you can have AMA live timing on as a sideshow.

www.amasuperbike.com

Heather

Thanks Heather....

I'll leave that little window open on my screen.  Thank goodness I'm not on dial up at work.   :)

Dawn  

[G 97]

Yeah Garth...

What does you job pay?  I could see riding bikes all day.  I've got experience, on the dirt, on the ice, on the street, (only once on the track but that could change).   ;D

Dawn  

Pay ?  LOL.  Alright but I did take a significant hit compared from John Deere.  Honda is the only major manufacturer that does not pay commission. But it's a good gig.  

Sign up for an event and come have some on track fun in a controlled, structured environment.  


(shamelessplug)

[G 97]

Hey Garth, awesome what NESBA did for the Team Fund For Chris. Got your stickers on my bodywork. :)

And shaddup, you ride bikes all the time for work.

Good cause.  Ed's Honda and Darrin are tops.   Thanks for running the stickers.  

2005 rep bike is 05GL1800 ABS model.  I am now a "Winger"  lol.  

Why don't you buy Brainerd.

[Nate R]

Office Space--- DEFINITELY an awesome workplace movie. In the HR dept where I work, the recruiter sounds and acts like Lumberg.

Work does suck. 5PM to 4:30 AM Mon-Fri and 2-8PM Sat and Sun. Cleaning "fluff" and steel in/around a scrap metal/car shredder. (6000 HP Electric motor drives 19 "hammers"on a rotor which pulverize cars and other metal junk into fist-sized pieces)

The fluff is the light non-metals that get sucked through an air system to separate them from the metals. Much like potting soil with chunks in it. Made up of car seat foam, plastic, dirt, etc.

I spent most of yesterday 60 feet in the air (17 degrees and windy) and/or inside a 4 foot dia, wet tube with an air gun blowing fluff out. Ick.

My job is outside every day all the time.  :-/

Look at the upsides Dawn: 8 hour work day, you're inside, and you stay clean.

I try and look at my job's bright sides: An 8 hour shift would now a piece-o-cake after getting used to my normal shift, Lots of OVERTIME, and sometimes I get to play with neat equipment.  :)

[251am]

  See Office Space, then get a red stapler and put it on your desk! Great reminder.

  If you don't "love it", it's just a paycheck. An income for fun stuff. Let it go.


  (non work joke) Arnold S., the GOV,  is making a new movie. Heard about it? He saves Hawaii from a homicidal space alien. It's called Predatora Tora Tora. ;D  How's that? Feel any better?

[tigerblade]

I'm finally in a good situation at work but I'm busy as hell.  For the next 6-7 weeks, I get to run three 3-hour meetings every week, so in addition to the other ones I have to attend, a minimum of 25% of my workweek will be spent in meetings.  Then I go home and study calculus and probability for 2-3 hours a night...    :P

[Dawn]

Look at the upsides Dawn: 8 hour work day, you're inside, and you stay clean.

)

10 hours a day and between 45 and 50 hours a week.  I'm in customer service so 80% of my time is talking on the phones.  The other 20% is dealing with performance issues, new processes, and 'what ever my supervisor deems appropriate'.

I'm also trying to study for my series 7 securities license and I have the super for brokerage hounding me as to when I'm taking my test so I can get that department running smoothly.

Time for a break......

 :)

[Old808]

The following was taken from actual employee evaluations:



1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom

and shows signs of starting to dig.



2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid

curiosity.



3. I would not allow this man to breed.



4. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more

of a definitely won't be.



5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a

rat in a trap.



6. When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change

whichever foot was previously in there.



7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.



8. This man has delusions of adequacy.



9. He sets low personal standards and the consistently fails to

achieve them.



10. This employee should go far -- the sooner he starts, the

better.



11. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.



12. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.



13.  Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking.



14. A room temperature I.Q.



15. Got a full six-pack, but is missing the plastic thingy that

holds it together.



16. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary

ignoramus.



17. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.



18. A prime candidate for natural deselection.



19. Bright as Alaska in December.



20. One-celled organisms outscore him in I.Q. tests.



21. Donated his brain to science before he was quite finished

using it.



22. Fell out of his family tree.



23. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the trains

isn't coming.



24. This man has two brains; one is lost and the other is out

looking for it.



25. He's so dense,light bends around him.



26. If brains were taxed, he would get a rebate.



27. Any dumber and he would have to be watered twice a week.



28. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get

change back.



29. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.



30. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.



31. One neuron short of a synapse.



32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he gargled.



33. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.



34. Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

[Baltobuell]

Nate, I know exactly what you're doing. I used to haul that stuff in a dump trailer about 15 years ago. Flat tires everyday! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Hang in there, spring is a coming.

[putter]

30. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
 ;D
LOL. Garth you have the big bucks, you could buy BIR and turn it into a big NESBA playground.

[EX#996]

Thanks Papa.....

I've made a copy of those remarks, just in case I would need to use them.

 ;D

[Nate R]

Dawn, I didn't realize you worked 10 hour days, and forgot about the studying you were doing. You definitely need a break.

Balto: You hauled stuff to the scrap yards? I BET you got plenty o' flats.  :o


Proud to say I work for the 8th largest and 2nd safest scrap recycler in the country.

Yeah, spring is coming. I'm looking forward to summer there. I'm hoping to be done there in December and go back to school. I needed money, and I don't know of many other jobs offering this kind of income potential that I could go out and be a good canidate for tomorrow.


If not December, I'll stay till next June. So, at least I know my time is limited there.