Death Question

[Lowe119]

What do you tell someone who is dieing in a hospital bed? I've never done this and the normal "Hope you get better" doesn't work. I don't know what to say, because she is on her last few days.

I know this isn't motorcycles related, but I figure y'all are the most mature of any other message board.

[Dawn]

There's not a lot you can say, the most important thing is that you are there.  Hopefully this person has a faith in God so that there is something to look forward to after this battle on earth.

Simply say....  "I'm here for you"

That will mean the world to that person.

Dawn

[Super Dave]

I spent about a week with my mom in 1995 for her last days of cancer.

I just was me.

We watched TV, talked about stuff.  

I guess my mom and I kind of communicated on a higher level.  She'd open her eyes, and I'd know that she was thirsty.  So, I had these big swabs that I could dip in water for her and put in her mouth;  she didn't have to ask...I was just ready for her.

This might be a strange example...

I remember Clint Eastwood in "Heartbreak Ridge"...he got drunk and was tossed in jail...Mario Van Peebles had to get him or something, and in the dark you heard Clint, "You can kick me, you and beat me...but don't bore me."

If there person knows that they are dying, they might be more prepared for it than you are.  Recognize that.  Help out.  The person might be in pain.  And that pain might require meds that might make them struggle with normal conversation.

If you know the person well enough...try to at least give that person some comfort of your personality.  There's got to be some connection to them that you have...

True story.

My mom's mom, my grandma, went blind before she died in the hospital.  I was only six, and I got told the story years later.

Anyway, my grandma said to my uncle, her son, "They say I've got occular fecalitis.  I can't see worth sh1t!"  

It was a really warm moment that I didn't personally experience, but even with the memories of her only until I was six...it's something funny that I'll always remember.

Hope that helps a bit.

I'll say a prayer for you and yours...

[spyderchick]

If the person is lucid, reminice about good times, because it will demonstrate that you appreciate her for when she was alive and could do things.
My mom also died of cancer, and I was her care giver. We lived quite a few months where we knew she was terminal. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make her "feel better", as you know, but you can help her to feel loved and appreciated.  

[K3 Chris Onwiler]

Show the love.  It's all that you can do.  Imagine how alone you must feel when you are dying.  At least she's not alone when you're with her now, and that is probably the most important thing.
Hopefully, you have someone else you're close enough to that you can get some support for yourself.  Don't dismiss the fact that this is hard on you too.
Sorry for your sorrows.  Good luck.

[EmerWil]

letting go is the hardest thing we have to do.  We spend all our lives taking our loved ones for granted until one day they're gone.  Then we spend the rest of our lives thinking about how we miss that person and the hole they've left in our lives.

Death is not the end.  There is life beyond.  Rejoyce for they are finally making that transition that we all wait for.  Hold their memories dear and close to your heart. For someone that is remembered with love and adoration is truely never dead.

They will finally be in a place that is without pain and without strife.  We can only count the days that we'll be with them again and take comfort in knowing they'll be there waiting for us.

[George_Linhart]

How about "Thank You" for her contribution to your life?

I don't know your relation, but when my mom died I was lucky enough to have 2 days to sit with her and talk to her about our life together.  Even though she was unconsious much of the time I treasure that I was able to spend this time with her and tell her how much I appreciated her support through my life...

Thoughts and prayers with you in this difficult period.

George

[tshowrench]

My father is in the hospital right now, and although we are awaiting the hard diagnosis, we have been told to prepare for cancer or luekemia, and not much time left...

What have I told him? That I love him, how much he means to me and my family, and how much the lessons he taught me meant.

It sucks, Ill miss him a huge amount, and he is too young (62) I think about it more as how unfair it is that he wont get to see my kids grow up, and the time they woudl have spent together..

But life is a disease that is 100% fatal... Just be there, and speak your heart, say all the things you want to say, you wont get another chance.

[Shingle_Monkey]

When my mom died 10 years ago, we use to sit in her bed and talk. I confessed alot of the things I did as a kid..that I shouldnt of done...we both got some good laughs out of them.I think the most important thing is you just being there.

[Lowe119]

Thanks for all of your advice. She passed away this morning and the advice y'all gave really helped.

Thank you.

[Dawn]

I'm so sorry for your loss...

God's speed.

The Buxton's

[KBOlsen]

My heart goes out to you and your family.