A short little joke.....

[Dawn]

> Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner. How can you tell which one is the prostitute???
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> Hold on.....
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> It's a good one.....
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> It's the one with the little sticker that says I-DA-HO.
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 ;D  ;D  ;D

[EM JAY]

  oh geeze.......... ;D

[Jeff]

You know what drives me nuts?



The steering wheel hanging outta me zipper.    ;D

[EM JAY]

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
  
   Now thats a good one!!!!!!!

  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Mark Bernard]

Two flies were on the celing.. one looks to the other and said "your man is open!"

[dwilson]

What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar?




Flame-thrower :o

[Super Dave]

WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REAL JOBS:

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all
the kids to copulate me."
...........................................................
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the
upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards,
whichever comes first."
...........................................................
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my
own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders
said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
...........................................................
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John
Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
...........................................................
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy
like Norman Einstein."
...........................................................
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm
going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
(now that is beautiful)
...........................................................
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up
alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of
three, then line up in a circle."
...........................................................
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with
promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out
smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
...........................................................
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he
keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when
I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
...........................................................
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime
of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six
o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
...........................................................
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining
to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My
sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an
uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in
January)
...........................................................
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him,
'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach,
I don't know and I don't care.'"
...........................................................
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he
told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like
you're spending too much time on one subject."
...........................................................
Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by
Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips
responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."
(Dead man walkin')

[bweber]

There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying everything he can think of, he calls a vet, a pet psychic, and an engineer to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the vet looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the pet psychic takes some time listening to what the chickens have to say, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the engineer tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook and working feverishly on his laptop computer. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'

[EX#996]

There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying everything he can think of, he calls a vet, a pet psychic, and an engineer to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the vet looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the pet psychic takes some time listening to what the chickens have to say, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the engineer tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook and working feverishly on his laptop computer. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'

I know there's a joke in here somewhere......


j/k

Dawn   ;) ;D

[Super Dave]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and
there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the
next table. He has been checking her out
since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to
talk with her.

Suddenly. she sneezes, and her glass eye
comes flying out of its socket towards the
man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it
out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh, my, I am so sorry," the woman says,
as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to
you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and
afterwards they go to the theater followed
by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares
her deepest dreams, and he shares his. She
listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him
if he would like to come to her place for a
nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal
with all the trimmings. The guy is really
amazed. Everything has been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect
woman. Are you this nice to every guy you
meet?"

"No," she replies, "You just happened to
catch my eye."

[Baltobuell]

HARLEY DAVIDSON FACES STIFF COMPETITION FROM JOHNSON MARINE WHO INTRODUCES A NEW LINE OF MOTORCYCLES

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



At a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers of Johnson outboard marine engines and other recreational equipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcycles designed to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson. Peter Long, Johnson's Brands Marketing Manager said, "We have studied the market and determined that Harley, while highly successful, has narrowly missed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers." Long added, "We at Johnson are convinced that our product hits the target dead center and promises to draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a way no other motorcycle has been able to accomplish."

The new line of bikes, marketed under the name Big Johnson Motorcycles, will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised. "Our research show that this, a Big Johnson, is what Harley buyers are really after."

At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley owners agree. "When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a Big Johnson," said one Harley owner. "But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacement for having a Big Johnson."

Manager Long also said that his company would follow the lead of Harley-Davidson and cash in on a huge market for non-motorcycle related products. "We realize that not every guy can have a Big Johnson," said Long, "But image is very important to people. If they don't have a Big Johnson, they at least want to project the image of having one."

Asked if he anticipated Big Johnsons showing up in the hands of Harley owners, Long said it was unlikely. "I just don't see the need to have a Harley if you have a Big Johnson," he said. "And I can't imagine someone who spends all their resources to acquire a Harley having a Big Johnson. I think it boils down to this - You either have a Harley, or you have a Big Johnson, but you are not likely to have both."

"Given the choice," said Long, "I think most guys will opt for the Big Johnson."

Another force driving sales for the company will come from women. A survey of the wives and girlfriends of nearly 1,000 potential motorcycle buyers indicates less than 5% would approve of their partner spending $20,000 on a Harley Davidson. But, when asked if they would be willing to pay the same amount of money to get their partner a Big Johnson, nearly 4 out 5 thought that would be money well spent.

One female present at the product unveiling was quoted as saying, "There is no way I will let Lonnie drop 20 grand on another one of those Harleys, but 20 grand to get him a Big Johnson? Well, that's something we could both enjoy, and it's something he really needs."

Carla Roundheel, manager of the dealership network now being established, said her motto is simple. "I service what we sell."

Big Johnson Motorcycles will be traded on the New York stock exchange under the abbreviation PNSNV.

[Woofentino Pugrossi]

Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?

























If they had 4 they would be chicken sedans. ;D

[EX#996]

Thank you Doug.....

I had tears in my eyes after reading that one.  I then promptly copied it and forwarded it to my parents.  (Yes, they own Harley's)

Dawn   :D

[J-Janisch]

Another Wisconsin Tale

One Saturday morning, a guy gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.

Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour.  There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing at 50 mph.  Minutes later, he retures to the garage.

He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel.  He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies,....

"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that s**t?!?"

[J-Janisch]

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go long."
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three roatations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion.  You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went alone."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps.  After about 50 laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible!  Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Oshkosh, Wisconsin and I worked both sides of Lake Winnebago."

[Mark Bernard]

I know there's a joke in here somewhere......


j/k

Dawn   ;) ;D

Where???

[EX#996]

I worked both sides of Lake Winnebago."

LOL!!!!!

Now Jessie:

Do your parents know that your typing this stuff.   :o ;) ;D

Dawn   :)

[bweber]

I know there's a joke in here somewhere......

Must be humor only us intellectual types can understand.  Right Dave! ;D

[J-Janisch]

Dawn;  My mom was the one who brought that home from work yesturday......

[EX#996]

Dawn;  My mom was the one who brought that home from work yesturday......

LOL!!!!

Oh my!   :o

 ;D

[Super Dave]

Must be humor only us intellectual types can understand.  Right Dave! ;D

Hello?  I'm sorry, it was the sucking noise from the cerebral rectal inversion that I'm suffering from right now.....
 ;D

[Dawn]

Hello?  I'm sorry, it was the sucking noise from the cerebral rectal inversion that I'm suffering from right now.....
 ;D

Ewwww.....

Mental picture....  must remove.....

LOL!!!

Dawn   ;) :D

[Super Dave]

The cranial rectalotomy is scheduled.

[Super Dave]

    A bus carrying Marty and some ugly women giving Marty a hard time
crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then  get
to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He
decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.


     They're all lined up, and God asks the first lady what the wish is.
"I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
    The second lady in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous
too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on
for a while but when God is halfway down, Marty starts laughing, and
when there are only ten women left, he is rolling on the floor, laughing
his butt off.


    Finally, God reaches him and asks him what his wish will be. He
calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."

[lil_thorny]

no Dave what you have is a Cerebrorectal Fistula.
thoughts enter briefly then exit swiftly out your
A$$
 but you might also be suffering from
Retrograde Intraventricular Balanomegalosis.
loosely defined as:
condition of having enlarged corpus callosum lodged against the natural flow within the subarachnoid space of the brain.
or in laymens terms..... D i c k  H e a d.
write that down!
Benji.

[lil_thorny]

i have others too like:

Os Capitosis = Bone Head.
Gluteobucal articulation= Butt face
Anal foramin= a$# hole.
Shim= Jamie Lee Curtis :o

do me a favor and look up the word smegma in a medical dictionary and tell me what you think of that.

also, did you know that a fart is defined as a violent
expellation of gas from the distal element of the alimentery canal. Funny, i always thought that it was a turd "honking" for the right of way!

i'm sick i know...sometimes i just don't know what to do with my vast medical knowledge. seeing tramatized victims daily isn't enough for me ;D

B e n j i   and bingo was his name o