The "Things I really hate" Thread

[Farmboy]

How 'bout a thread where we can officially vent/rant about the stuff that really bugs the shit outta us?

I'll go first...

"Winter driving"

Well actually, I don't mind winter driving so much; it's all those other idiots out floundering around like a 13 year old kid who just felt up his first booby. Just what the hell is it about the amnesia-inducing qualities of frozen precip? I mean, almost every license plate I see is from Illinois; these people can't all be new transplants from Ethiopia or some other such snow-bereft region, and yet, every year, something like 90% of drivers are absolutely flummoxed when it starts to snow, even a teensy, weensy, infinitesimally microscopic little bit. Snow on the ground? Brain out the window! Anyway, there are 2 varieties of driver which absolutely frost my ass when things go white. (Of course, these numbnuts are easily recognizable by the fact that they either drive way faster or way slower than me; if everyone drove like me, we'd be all set, obviously...right? Right?)

The first type of driver is the ice racer. Usually, you can find the ice racer in a full sized SUV. This moron is totally empowered by the fact that his vehicle towers above all other traffic, was awarded a 5000 star safety rating, has all wheel drive, and can ford gulches, climb mountains, leap over tall buildings, and run over little old ladies on their way to the beauty parlor without even transmitting the slightest indication of a bump, thereby allowing said moron to drink coffee, use the GPS, and carry on an intimate conversation with the ONSHILF (OnStarHottieILikeTo..) in the utmost of comfort and luxury. What's a little bit of snow when you're leasing this year's must have automotive equivalent of Viagra? (with 24" rims!) Of course, I just want to grab these people (not) gently by their lips and (not) calmly explain how all the Go-Jo new technology in their big-assed 3 ton dick prosthetic is thoroughly unmatched by equivalent stopping power. ABS or no, more mass requires more distance, and I'm tired of crapping my pants every time I see one of these players rolling up in my rear view, and I'm really gonna hate it when I'm serving time for manslaughter...

The second type of, and far more dangerous, driver is the Slowsky. The slowsky makes my blood boil and my veins pop as they wait 20 minutes to execute a turn (inevitably choosing the most inopportune moment of all to finally go), maintain a safety cushion of, oh, about 2 miles (thereby allowing innumerable Airbus 380's and  the occasional oil tanker to comfortably ease into the space in front of them), and absolutely refuse to go any faster than 30 mph less than the posted limit, unless the limit is over 35, in which case they apply the complex formula of (x+5)-x = S, S being let's see if we can finally drive Farmboy absolutely batshit. As dangerous as all these traits are, they're nothing compared to the Slowsky's ability to accelerate away from a stop sooooo slowly, and brake for their next stop soooo early, that they actually arrive at said next stop at a point in space which is effectively before the point in space from which they started. I know this is very difficult to understand, but just let me say that I arrived at work this morning yesterday afternoon. This really pissed me off, for various reasons: First, I had a really shitty day yesterday. Second, I rarely know what day it is to begin with. Third, and most important, we already have so-called professional scientists messing around with the space/time continuum over there at the Hadron Collider; I hardly think that this is an area wherein we need the bleary-eyed, molasses-blooded, Starbuck-swilling commuter wantonly and haphazardly dabbling. This isn't like home brewing beer, people! Something unimaginably terrible WILL happen if we don't stop the Slowskies. It may be a tear in the fabric of the universe, or, more likely, a tear in an artery in my brain...

Ah, Fuggit. I'm moving to Florida. Besides, didn't those lucky A-holes just have a race down there? Yep, that's the place for me, as soon as I get all my ducks in a row. Until then, I'm guessing I'll find more topics upon which I will expound in the "Things I really Hate" thread. Feel free to add your own; entries will be judged on syntax, grammar, spelling, and creative use of profanity, and will be awarded absolutely nothing. However, you might feel a little better. I know I do. Or at least I will, once I go hook up the Xanax/Grey Goose drip...(I think I'll try for a vein in my eyeball...) 

[DEVINC]

FLORIDAS GREAT!!!

[Team Spalding]

I am with ya on that shit Farmboy. 3 hours to work this am and the snow was not even sticking. Stupid ass assholes. You guys from Florida can go screw yourself in sunny 80 deg. weather while we sit in traffic.

[Thingy]

One of the reasons why I moved from Iowa to Texas two weeks ago...

[tstruyk]

JIm my friend dont move to st louis... we freak out with rain! 

[smoke54]

please keep all that white stuff in your area Jim!  me, i just hate f-in traffic and stoplights, more than 30 people in a confined area,(confined has diffferent specifications depending on the mood of the day) and f-in stoopid people!  (there is way to many of the last category!)  let's go to the track!
Happy Holidays!
tim

[spyderchick]

Dude, you are preaching to the choir.

Understand that apparently, (I really should hunt for the link but I'm lazy) there's now a 'bad driver' gene. Yup, it's not their fault. Personally, I think we ought to identify folk with said gene and revoke their driving privileges. 

My coping mechanism has been to accept that I cannot do anything to change these people. I am powerless on how to educate them. Hell, these people can't even drive a grocery cart much less an SUV.

So, what to do? Change your driving philosophy. Now mind you, this borders on religion, so beware. I call it "Zen and Flow". Zen: in that you just accept the inept and become patient. Two vehicles driving side by side at a snails pace? No problem, just fall in behind and breath calmly. Flow: when the opportunity presents itself you do some very ninja like moves to maneuver through the traffic. To do this you need to be 'aware' which is akin to "Chi". Develop your driving chi into a zen and flow, and you will get to your destination calmer and faster. Yes, faster. Rather than impatience and annoyance ruling your every move, you are now like a hunter, patient and focused, oh yes grasshopper, you can do this. 

Batteries not included, no warranty made or implied, your results may differ, please read entire package for contraindications.

[Farmboy]

Oh, and spiders. I still really hate spiders. (Real ones, this isn't a jab @ you, Sensei Alexa.)

[DEVINC]

We can have pretty bad rainfall down in Florida. Mostly in summer months. Not as bad as snow I'd imagine, but alot of people are idiots in the rain. There are alot of older people though, depnding on where you move in Florida.

[spyderchick]

Oh, and spiders. I still really hate spiders. (Real ones, this isn't a jab @ you, Sensei Alexa.)

Remember, spiders eat the other creepy crawlies. ;) (and mine is Spyder with a 'y')

<best kung fu sage voice> Life is like circle, what goes around comes around...LOL 

[funsizeracing]

This is why I drive a small car.  If I drove a large car, I would push people off the road and leave them for dead.   Everytime I get behind the wheel, I feel like I'm trying to race in the beginner session of a trackday!    

[spyderchick]

This is why I drive a small car.  If I drove a large car, I would push people off the road and leave them for dead.   Everytime I get behind the wheel, I feel like I'm trying to race in the beginner session of a trackday!    

Someone get this lady a hummer, the big one please!