Got this from another forum, friggin funny
Random Thoughts of the Day:
* More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.
* I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?
* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
* The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be
ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
* Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know
how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or
FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
* There is a great need for sarcasm font.
* Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first
* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
* I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
* Was learning cursive really necessary?
* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
* Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.
* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
* While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
* MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
* I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
* I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
* Bad decisions make good stories
* Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I
* Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
* If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
probably just be completely invisible.
* Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.
* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
* I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear
I did not make any changes to.
* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
* While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China
and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that
when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
* I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes
to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and
* I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet
* Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...
* As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
* Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
* It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
* I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
* I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I
find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the
fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
* Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to
* Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every
* My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
* It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the
link takes me to a video instead of text.
* I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
* I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.