Motorcycle Racing Forum

Ok, I'll let you know now, this is a little lengthy.  A quick history : I am 32, my wife is 29 and we've been married almost 3 years, together almost 8. I used to race in 93 and 94 and I recently bought a cbr600rr.  I quickly realized the street sucked and wanted to do a track day. I then quickly realized I wanted to return to racing and do the 05 season.  To prepare I did rider school at Roebling went straight back to expert and entered some races.  Finished 1st,3rd,3rd, and 5th and even won some Honda money, however, I told my wife I was at a "track day".  Here's where the advice part comes in.  I had assumed that if she was ok with a track day, that racing really isn't that much different (from her standpoint).  Well, I was wrong and yesterday she flipped out when I told her my plans.  She oscillates between "money" and "danger" as her reasons.  She also adds that 10 weekends a year away is too many.  I have explained that I really only want to come back to win a regional title and then do the ama race in Daytona in 06 and then hang it up permanently (from competition anyway).  Nothing has worked and it certainly appears that I have to make a choice between racing or my wife.  I have been into bikes since I was 17 and she knew this when she met me.  I have gone to great lengths to prepare a very professional setup, 10X20 tent, 2 race bikes, lots of spares, motor mat, etc.  I really think that she's jealous because she has no hobbies whatsoever... I have told her that she can come and help, I even offered to teach her anything she wanted to know... still, nothing.  If anyone out there has had a similar problem and can offer some advice, it'd be much appreciated.  

First thing you did was screw up by lying to her about the track day when you actually went racing.....  What did you do, hide the wood for your finishes in the garage???

With that said, here are some suggestions...

First, come clean about the racing and take the heat that she will give you about it like a man.

Second, after she has calmed down, share with her the success that you did have last year.

Third, she probalby has no idea of was road racing is all about.  Have her watch it with you and have you explain the all the safety equipment and track layouts.  Remember, she's concerned for you, don't dismiss her fears.

Fourth, 10 weekends for your first season.... Yes, it is a lot, and it is expensive.  You may need to compromise on this one.

Fifth, perhaps take her to a race date BEFORE you are actually race.  Show her the scene, allow her to meet the people - it's the people that I go racing for.

Good luck and go slow with her....

You may end up with the best pit person ever.

Dawn   :)

Ummmm, I can't relate at all, but you need to apologize for lying about the track day vs. race day thing, if you haven't already.  It sets racing up as bad if you have to lie about it.  

I'd keep trying to get her to go with you.  Make it a fun weekend away.  Racing people are awesome and she'll make friends of her own that she'll be excited to see next time.

Obviously you want her to be a part of it and this can be the most fun you two have ever had together--ok maybe not EVER.  Communicate this to her somehow.  You guys can be a team--Team Cardzilla.  Show her you need her.  Show her you can afford it.  It's a valid concern as you well know, it's a money pit.  And, for the love of god, don't crash her first weekend out!!!!  Get her a scanner to listen to the corner workers--this is a big time help for me--and a pit bike, too, if you are able.  

You probably have your work cut out for you, but keep at it and the right decision will come about.  Make this about US and not just ME, because I sense that is what you want.  

Hope this helps.  I really can't relate at all so maybe I'm all wrong here.  Good luck!!!

Heather   :)

Dawn - LOL, I actually DID hide the wood in the garage!  I'm not sure if the success part will help because she knows I won a regional title in 93, but I've been thinking about coming clean for a while.  I mean what fun is winning if you can't share it with your wife?  I am trying to get her into it, but we're talking about a woman who can't drive a stick shift car or change a flat tire...

My wife is the same way, she's been to 3 race weekends and enjoys herself when she is there but it's like pulling teeth to get her to go again.  I'm not very exciting to watch though...I have only won one race in my life and there was 7 people on the grid that day.

Quote I am trying to get her into it, but we're talking about a woman who can't drive a stick shift car or change a flat tire...

Then don't focus on the mechanical and technical aspect of racing.  While that may be exciting and interesting for you, focus more on the social aspect of it for her.  If she's not into camping or a motorhome, make the trip to the track as a weekend get-a-way.  Get a motel room and a bottle of wine for afterwards....

Make it fun for her and she'll come around.

 ;)

Oh, boy.  I hear this an awful lot.  The girls are right, though, the worst way to start this argument out was to lie.  Come on, we're women.  Lie to us once and we'll keep bringing it up for years to come to prove that whole "once a liar, always a liar" rule, and you'll never have a defense because you did, in fact, lie the first time.  We can't help it, it's encoded in our DNA.  I came into this sport kind of backwards--I knew racing before I knew Eric--so I was used to going to tracks and watching.  Honestly, though, even for me it was difficult going to Eric's races (he was working at the CMRA races where I really didn't know anyone--not exactly the same as Blackhawk).  Look at it from her side: we're all afraid of what we don't know.  All she knows about racing is that it's really fast and dangerous.  It's going to take a bit of effort on your part--like the girls said, watch races with her and take her to a race BEFORE your first weekend.  If she happens to see a race related something and says "that's cute", get it for her!  Perception is reality, but if you make racing a little more "girl-friendly", everything should turn out okay.  If not, there's always Two-Wheel Tuesday.

WOW;

This is a good one. Firts I must say I have been married for 5 years.

I agree with the items that Dawn said.  But here's the deal: Compromise(SP) is the key after all racing will be taking from her time with you.  Make her apart of your effort, get her to understand that you can't do it with out her and that you want to share this with her. allow her to understand how important this is to you.

The #1 rule in my house is before I buy any big bike stuff I talk to her first to let her know what my plans are and I BUY HER SOMETHING FIRST.

This way she knows shes part of the team and she is happy casue she has somehthing that she wants.  

Take her out to a nice dinner and just talkabout it and plan it out. "compromsie "

if it comes to the choice, choose your wife.  Racing will not be there for life.  Your wife will (should be).

She should be willing to compromise somewhat though, so discuss it.  Be willing to compromise yourself.

Going from 'not racing' to 'honey, I just want to run a full season, win a title, run 1 more race and then hang it up' is quite a jump.

2 years ago, I ran a FULL season, and it was very hard on my family.  They supported me, but as we look back, none of us are sure it was worth it.

I recently discussed running a FULL season (set classes, every weekend without exception or fail) in 05, and my wife was 'disappointed'.  I know if this is my choice, she will support me in it, but it will put a strain on the entire family and I need to weigh the worth of that.

Getting her involved may go a long way...  Compromise and take baby steps.

Larry,
Chuck is being modest, he's actually very exciting to watch at the races....Except all the action is off the track!

Okay, now to add my story to the pot:
Been married for 11 years (I'm 37), been riding on the street since before we started dating.  I encountered similar friction many years back regarding my riding hobby.  To address this, I worked  hard to get her into the sport.  We took MSF classes together.  Got her licensed, equipped & her own bike.  Because we started working on this way back in the marriage, she saw how much safer riding on the track was.....Especially when compared to the street.  She's even had a decent street crash (dislocated shoulder), which has proved helpful later from a perspective standpoint.
(I can't believe I wrote that sentence.  But I'm trying to promote honesty.....)
Naturally track days weren't enough, so I started racing.  As marriage is all about compromise, I had to be reasonable with matching my needs with her needs.  Plus, she pays for everything, so I'm very commited to her.  (Seriously.)  
Dawn & Heather are right about the honesty issue....Let me chime in, too.  It's important you are both on the same page regarding racing & the risks.  It's tough to hide the truth from your spouse when it's the  ER nurse calling to give an update!

My advice is to stretch out your timeline.  Race for fun next season, only do select rounds and bring her along!  You should emphasize the racing community as a fun place to be with your wife.  The reason my wife bought an RV was seeing what fun Dawn's "arrangement" was at the track.
(Dawn, thank you again.)
If you're not chasing a title next season, chances are your race weekends will be a bit less preasure filled, and therefore a bit more enjoyable.
(Racing for fun.....What a concept!  But does anyone do it?)
If you're feeling ambitious, go take an MSF class with her.  You'll be bored at times, but keep in mind it's about giving your spouse a chance to learn about your hobby.  Heck, she'll learn to operate a manual transmission!  
(Just keep reminding yourself marriage is about the journey......)  
Overall this process will require patience on your part.  Larry, you bought all the gear, plan to stay awhile!  If you think you're going to do one season, then walk away after Daytona in 2006, you're not being honest with yourself!
Let me finish with the observation that doing a track day with my wife on her F4i and me on the F2 is almost as good as a race weekend......And having my spouse at a race weekend is the best thing going.  (Somebody has to check the safety wiring!)

I hope to see you (and your wife) at the track.

Yeah, my wife got pretty mad about me breaking my wrist this last weekend.  Mostly becuase it will postpone the post-season engine teardowns on both her racebikes to get them ready for next season  ;D

I also got a lecture about racing smart and throwing away a championship.

-z.

   Give her some time to cool down and think about what is going on. It kind of sounds like you've been given an ultimatum? Is that right, have you been given an ultimatum? She's right about the money thing, particularly if half of the money spent at the track is hers.
  You're in FLA so I have no idea what your winter season for racing oppurtunity is. Do you have a couple months off for winter? Take the time to slowly acclimate her to the dangers, maybe compromise on the # of races you'll try, perhaps push Daytona back to '07.
   I'm 34, been married 4 years, together for 8, just got my license last spring. Put a little track package together, nothing fancy, and ran out of money in May. I shouldn't say that. I ran out of OUR money. It's hard to run a household check to check for 6 months as result of my hobby. Your money situation is personal so let's not get into that too much, but I had to cut back for the sake of our marriage. She didn't ask, I just knew. Besides, I'm new at this road stuff and I sucked. ;D You, on the other hand may have more than potential.
  You'll have to figure out some imaginitive ways to court her into the racing life. You got this far with your set up. Give her a few weeks to think it over, don't pressure her into an ultimatum scenario, and get ready for a new Daytona.  ;D      

If it comes down to the money issue... racing is way more expensive than a divorce, and it is always nice to have that second income to help subsidize the racing... time to kiss some serious butt... then go racing  ;D

I can't tell from your post, but have you told her that the track day at Roebling was actually a race?  Or does she not know that?  

You need to communicate more with her and give her a chance.  It sounds like you're railroading her with your plans.  From her point of view, you've gone from getting a bike and doing a few track days to now a major time, effort, and money commitment with doing an entire race season.  Up until this point you haven't communicated to her your feelings or goals, and now they've been built up even higher to where when you DO communicate to her it's a lot to deal with.  You've kind of backed her into a corner because of this, so she's being defensive, which is probably where the time & money arguments are coming from.

Don't discount her feelings by chalking it up to jealousy.  You could be way off base there because you haven't been communicating to her.  

QuoteI also got a lecture about racing smart and throwing away a championship.

That's why my plates are white and yours are yellow.   :P ;D

QuoteThat's why my plates are white and yours are yellow.   :P ;D

Ooooo.........

... that one hurt.    ;D

 ;)

Yeah, what Dawn and Heather said!

 I guess I have the opposite problem, I try to skip a race and my wife tells me to get my aZZ on the bike ::)  I tell her it's really expensive...She says we'll eat tuna all week :-/  Or when I crashed in T1 at BHF, She was in the stands yelling "that was 42 points"!!!  Our family vacation is gonna be bike week ;) IT's not always greener on the other side! O.k. Maybe it is ;D ;D ;D  Wife's Right! I guess your gonna have to sell that pimp RR to best buddy StUmPy :-*



Stumpy

Stumpy you definitely ride WITH a crew that supports your dreams, I believe it was a key to your success this season.  Look forward to hearing the speech at the banquet.

Wow, I guess it is good to have all of you out there because all of this is great feedback.  It is good to hear someone else's viewpoint. I am mulling everything over for a week or two, and just to clarify, I would never leave my wife for racing... I'd just be po'd for a lifetime.  Oh yeah, stump, keep dreamin' !  The way I hear it, you don't need a bike this trick  ;)  

God, I wish my novel was published!  Dealing with the wife is a big part of the plot.  
Let me tell you everything I know about women.



                                 ::)




OK, but here are a few things that I suspect.
Basic "Venus vs. Mars" here.  A man wants adventure and excitement.  A woman wants a safe nest.  Racing works great for the first, but compromises the heck out of the second.
See this from her point of view.  Think nest.  Papa Bird could bust a wing.  Maybe even his neck.  All the nest money is going into a flying machine.  Papa wants to spend 20 weekends away from the nest next summer.  Where does that leave Mama Bird?

Alone, broke, worried, and maybe without a mate or a nest.

Not most women's first choice.

You fudged it WAY BAD by lying in the first place.  That was just proof that what you are doing is wrong.  If it wasn't wrong, why would you have to lie about it?
All the advice posted is good.  First, you have to fix that lie.  Hopefully, lying to her isn't a habbit of yours, because that would make it impossible to fix.  But if it is totally against your nature to lie, then you might get away with the insanity defense.  Tell her that wanting to race so badly for so long has made you insane enough to lie to her, and that you are truely sorry.  Then pour out your heart to her.  Explain that racing is that one thing you've done that really made you feel real and alive.  Tell her about the way all the B.S. in life just dissappears when you're racing.  Tell her that this is the outlet you need to release the pressure of your daily life, so you don't end up in some tower with a sniper rifle.
Don't minimize the risks.  Women can smell B.S. a mile away, and you're covered in it already.  The only way you can sell this whole racing thing is to get her to understand that racing is what nourishes your soul, and puts back the good feelings inside you that the world burns out on a daily basis.  If she really loves you, then she wants you to be happy.  She needs to understand that this is what it will take to make you truly happy, and nothing else will do it.

If that doesn't work, walk.  You'll just end up hating her if she strictly denies that thing that makes you right with the world, and eventually it will destroy the relationship.  I had an ongoing, three year fight with my wife about my racing, but she eventually realized that it was the only thing that makes me truly happy, and she loves me enough to understand that it would be better to lose me if I died doing what I love than to keep me miserable in a cage.

I get away with what I do because I never let my wife wonder how much I love her, and I never lie to her.  I HAVE been known to OMIT certain details.... (Why are there TWO bikes with your race number now?) but I always tell her the truth.  She's come to the conclusion that a "don't ask, don't tell" policy is fairly healthy where racing is concerned.
I hate to say this, but marrage is all about love and trust.  You've already blown the trust thing.  Racing has broken up a lot of marrages, but you can figure that a bass boat or a strip club addiction would have done just as good a job.  If you don't have a good, strong marrage before you go racing, you're doomed.  Only you know how you really feel about being married, and where your relationship is at.
When it comes down to it, I'd choose my wife over racing, because I love her.  She's my best friend.  The wife would love it if I grew disinterested in racing, but she knows better, and loves me enough to accept that.
Hey, sorry if I was harsh.  Good luck!

Good advice Chris...I'm only engaged to be committed (I mean married!) but my fiancee has been a part in the whole process of me getting into racing...she likes to talk a lot (I mean alot!) which I assume most women do, and so instead of just watching tv and ignoring her I tell her quite a bit about what I'm up to...considering the benefits of a SV vs. 600, dunlop vs michelin, etc....go out and rent/borrow the dvd "Faster" and watch it with her (only 1 GP'er has died racing....especially the end where everyone's talking about how if you want to go faster, go to a track where its safer!) Like Chris said, you gotta let her know that moto riding is where your heart is, and that you'll be soooo less inclined to be riding fast on the streets if you can get your kicks on the track=much safer (dogs, gravel, guard rails, cages, you know the drill....). Plus you've got to get her involved, make it seem like quality time together, not your time away from her. I don't know how strong your relationship is, sounds like it might need some rekindling of the fire, maybe this is just the opportunity you need........

I have been through this before... She needs to have a hobby like you have yours, if not, it will not work out in the long run. Try to encourge her in those areas that interest her and support her. Otherwise, it all fails for both = no racing at all.

Yes you're compromise might be spending time doing things she wants to do, might not get to do a full season now, but more races over the years...

You should've just told her that you are going to do a full season of track days - possibly going for the "Track Day Title."  ;D

Then maybe do 1 AMA "race". It's only 1 race ;D j/k

QuoteIT's not always greener on the other side! O.k. Maybe it is ;D ;D ;D  

Well we could take up lawn darts and see how much you like me badgering your butt about lawn darts.   :-*

Yup, he does have it rough!   ;)

Heather

My hubby bought me my first camera so I could take pictures while I was at the track (preferably of him).  Never took pics before (and at the time it showed), but I had a blast mostly laughing at my first efforts.  Needless to say, now I'm at the track more than he is and he's way jealous!

QuoteYou should've just told her that you are going to do a full season of track days - possibly going for the "Track Day Title."  ;D

Then maybe do 1 AMA "race". It's only 1 race ;D j/k

see now thats the best advice of all...... ;D :-X


she will come around., take her to some races to watch., mine love to come., and the main reason is the people., it is a great group to be around...  plus you can spend time with her., you are only on the track 20minutes each race., for the most part...

Quote.. take her to some races to watch., mine love to come....

um, davey--that was written using a plaural conjugation.  are you suggesting that you bring more than one wife to the track? :D

Quoteum, davey--that was written using a plaural conjugation.  are you suggesting that you bring more than one wife to the track? :D

LOL...

I was thinking the same thing.

 :D

Ruffies!

..... back in on Sunday night, broken & battered.  "boy hon, you must have worked hard all week because you slept through the whole weekend!  Me, I was out doing yardwork and fell out of the tree! (Tripped on a shovel, fell down the stairs, etc)"

 ;D ;D ;D

Quoteum, davey--that was written using a plaural conjugation.  are you suggesting that you bring more than one wife to the track? :D

shhh dont tell her i bring others.. damn..

loves.... how is that ., we all know i type for sh.t

ahhhhhh, I remember the fast A#$ during the rider school @ Roebling!!!!!!!!!  You interupted my nap............heheheheehe....j/k.

Married, two kids here... Crew chief, not a racer, but still gone 30+ weekends a year... In 2006 I will be gone 180 days between racing and testing...

My wife knew when I married her, and she is pretty damn supportive of it... There was some grief when I had to go race and she was on bed rest and pregnant, or when I went on a 3 week roadtrip when she was at home with our 2.5yo and a newborn, but outside of that, shes pretty good...

If you want to race, race, you can never get the years back, you do NOT want to be old and dying one day and look back and say "I wish I would have raced daytona just ONCE"

Your wife can forgive you, she can get involved, or she can get replaced.

Simple as that...

QuoteIf you want to race, race, you can never get the years back, you do NOT want to be old and dying one day and look back and say "I wish I would have raced daytona just ONCE"

Your wife can forgive you, she can get involved, or she can get replaced.

Simple as that...

That may sound harsh, but life is REAL short. Compromise, read all these posts, and come up with a plan. Diamonds work for me (and a lot of life insurance)  ;D

Dump the chick. Its not worht the hassle. f course I am saying that cause I'm slightly drunk. I'll probably tell you something more better tomorrow.

This issue will not go away.  It may subside for a while through negotiation, compromise, etc.., but she won't completely let it go, ever.  It'll just come up in the heat of an argument etc.

Let her know you love her and want to be together but this is something you are not willing to give up, period.  

You don't want to look back after she tries to stop you from doing something else, (because if you give in now, it won't stop here), and realize what you missed.

Face it... your gonna be in the dog house for freaking years!

Come on you guys.....

If he tries some of the 'suggestions' that us women provided to him, he may her total support.  

Sheesh....  Give him (and her) a chance.

Women are not all bad.

Dawn   ;)

QuoteWomen are not all bad.

Dawn   ;)

You obiousley haven't met my ex-wife...  :-X I used my out loud typing again, I hate that! lol But seriousley, I hope these two work it out. I can't imagine how my season would have gone without Beckys help and support. A great woman in your pits is invaluable!
There were alot  of good sugestions thrown out here. I hope some will help there situation. Mark!

Do what I did Cardzilla, divorce her and get on w/it. You said it best, She new getting into this you were a die hard bike dude. You don't buy a car with a scratch on it then go complain to the old owner how they scratched it!!
 This season might be for me the most fun ever. No argueing about being gone, no argueing about how much it cost, and she would probably greatful to see me get hurt so it is all going to work out!

QuoteDo what I did Cardzilla, divorce her and get on w/it. You said it best, She new getting into this you were a die hard bike dude. You don't buy a car with a scratch on it then go complain to the old owner how they scratched it!!
 This season might be for me the most fun ever. No argueing about being gone, no argueing about how much it cost, and she would probably greatful to see me get hurt so it is all going to work out!

LOL.  I am also excited for next year, mine should be final before the end of the year.  What a change it will be to beable to totally concentrate on racing while at a race track!  :)

Unless you have a RARE one - she probably isn't going to change.  Being that she IS your wife, you do owe it to her try to find out if she IS one of the rare ones who might actually come around and enjoy herself if given the chance.

A buddy of mine who races with us has a wife that sounds like yours.  He is Mr. Motorcycle... always has been.  Met her, she loved it.  She would go so far as to set up group rides, etc.  They got married, and she did the all-too-common "flip-a-roo" and decided she hates motorcycles.  He fell off the face of the earth for a few years before coming back around and deciding to try racing.  As soon as she heard he was thinking about trying racing (before he even bought the bike), she started talking divorce.  

I have a theory that each woman has TWO "ideal" men:  the one they want to DATE, and the one they want to MARRY.  The "date" guy is the bad ass with the sports car, motorcycle, flashy clothes and haircut.  The "marry" guy is the guy who is happy driving a minivan, can't wait to ditch his friends and personal life, and wants nothing more than to stay tied to the house 24x7.  

It seems, at least amongst my group of friends, that most women marry the ideal "date" man - and try to change him into the ideal "marry" man.  Not cool.

Good luck.  I say, give her a true sincere shot.  Try for a season to get her out and involved.  If not... hang it up and go solo before something like kids happens.  Otherwise I think she'll just wind up being a sore spot to you... the reason you "woulda-shoulda-coulda" but didn't. The guys here who married girls like Dawn, Tiff, Heather, etc are EXTREMELY lucky.  They got one of the rare ones.

could do what i did.  After 20 years of marraige, and putting off everything i loved to raise two boys and keep her happy, i got into racing.  First the street, then track, tried racing and found i could actually win.  She hated it at first.  I actually told her after all the hell she put me thru for almost 5 years going thru "the change", that if she didnt like it, the door was open and she was free to leave.  All i asked of her was to come to the track, meet the people there, and at least see what its all about. I really wanted someone to share this experience with, and i told her i wanted it to be her, that she REALLY didnt want me to make the decision "her or racing".  She wouldnt want to know my answer.  

Well, 3 years later, we're still together, have a 40' RV we take to the track (HER decision to buy), and im gearing up a new bike for next season.  She LOVES going to the track.  Shes not into the "racing" aspect as much (unless its either me or some of our friends out there), but she has met so many people, made so many friends, that she loves to socialize.  I seriously was ready for the marraige to end over this.  I had just put up with so much other stuff, that when, in my eyes, she was going to deny me something that i had a huge passion for, after all the things i sacrificed for her over the last 20 years, i had really "fallen out of love" with her and this was the straw that broke the camels back.  We are happier now than we have been in a LONGGGGGG time, and i can thank racing for bringing us back together.  We just celebrated 22 years last weekend and its great.  Even my youngest son is now racing mini's, and my oldest has been working corners for almost 3 years as well.  We've turned it into a family thing.

Good luck :)

This is a very interesting thread.  I think the women's answers are a heck of a lot more thoughtful than the men's and it's interesting to see how they think.  It's been a few days since I read the first few posts but my impression is that they were more optimistic than the love it or leave it responses.  

Since I wanted another perspective on this I asked my 17 year old (who has only seen me race once) what he thinks his mother thinks about me racing.  

He said she likes it because:
1) She's happy that I have something I enjoy so much, and
2) She enjoys me leaving for a couple days so she can have the house to herself and some peace and quiet.

(Okay, I admit it.  I have a terrible habit of talking back to the TV. This includes thinking I can change the world by giving Tom Brokaw all the answers during the national news broadcast and telling the Entertainment E channel bimbo that she's a shallow slut.)

My only advice is to listen to the women's responses on this.  I think you already displayed a little too much independence by pushing forward with such a large committment without keeping her posted along the way.  Gradually getting her used to the idea (some would say wearing her down) would have been a lot better than springing it on her all at once.  My wife doesn't want to be consulted about my every plan, but she knows I won't ignore her either.  She knows how much I like racing by the work I put into it and the enthusiasm she sees that I have for it. Since she knows how important it is to me she wouldn't ask me to skip it unless it were for something very important.

Some people get lucky by having a spouse who shares the race activities with them, and that's fine.  I got lucky by having a spouse who is willing to step aside and let me run with something I enjoy doing.  She only visits the track a couple times a year and we're good like that. Different style, but still a good outcome.

My wife hates it.  Says its too dangerous, away from home too much...blah blah blah.  Ya know, I dont complain about anything she does, wether it be shopping, going out etc...SPENDING MONEY.  I think they are jealous to a point.  I have been into bikes my whole life and was doing this before I met her.  The way I see it, dont let anyone smash your dreams.  Life is too short and when you are 85 years old you will regret not doing it when its too late.  She tells me about danger..she's police..geez ya know.  Many more people get hurt on the streets than in cycle racing.  Look at the poor nizzles who get up, take a shower, eat their bagel and get waffled by a bus when crossing the street.  If I were you, I wouldnt lie to her though, that just makes things worse in the long run.

I'm doomed.  Can't imagine being involved with a man who wasn't at least ten times more mechanically inclined than I am... and equally as understanding of this addiction!

You are an exception to the rule Kim.  :)

Race.

Women are like busses ... there will be another one along soon ..

QuoteRace.

Women are like busses ... there will be another one along soon ..

 ::)

... and here I thought you were such a nice boy.

Well, just an update.  It does appear that I've worn her down and racing is a go.  Of course, this could be the same situation as when you ask "Honey, are you mad?" and you get the "No, of course not" while she stares out the window, but we'll see.  I am going to race either way.  Thanks to everyone for the great advice, it certainly helped.  To Dawn and the rest of the gals I have one more question.  I still haven't come clean about the race I did in '04, what would be a good way to do that?  I was thinking over a nice dinner at her favorite restaurant...

QuoteI still haven't come clean about the race I did in '04, what would be a good way to do that?  I was thinking over a nice dinner at her favorite restaurant...

Women should be on a "need to know" basis... ;D


Actually my wife told me that it was either her or racing! God I am going to miss her!!!

QuoteActually my wife told me that it was either her or racing! God I am going to miss her!!!

I miss my ex-wife too. But my aim is getting better!  :-X ;)

QuoteWell, just an update.  It does appear that I've worn her down and racing is a go.  Of course, this could be the same situation as when you ask "Honey, are you mad?" and you get the "No, of course not" while she stares out the window, but we'll see.  I am going to race either way.  Thanks to everyone for the great advice, it certainly helped.  To Dawn and the rest of the gals I have one more question.  I still haven't come clean about the race I did in '04, what would be a good way to do that?  I was thinking over a nice dinner at her favorite restaurant...

Jewelry is always good...

Cardzilla:

What you should do to break the news to your wife about your little 'escapade' at the track last year is a difficult one to tackle.  Especially since I don't know either you or your wife.

I am glad to hear that you have worked it out that she will support your racing endeavor.  Hopefully that includes her coming with you to the track.  One side of me is tempted to recommend that you keep your little secret until she is fully settled with the idea of you racing.  Hopefully she will fall in love with the atmosphere and the people at the track, making your escapade in 2004 perhaps a bit more "understandable."

The other side of me thinks that you should just tell her right away.  It's not good to have secrets when you're involved in a marriage.  Marriage is about trust, fidelity, and honesty.  Although, there are going to be a few bumps in the road and this is one of them.

Well...  here goes.

Take her out to dinner – better yet, cook for her (or bring food home if you can't cook), a few candles, wine, flowers...  Have the plaque with you.  Start off by telling her how appreciative you are that you were able to work out some sort of an arrangement regarding racing, and express how much it means to you to have her support (and hopefully) and her involvement in your racing habit.  Then tell her you have a confession to make....  Bring out the plaque and hand it to her.  Explain that the last thing that you wanted to do was to betray her trust or cause her undue worry (that you were racing rather than just at a track day).  Tell her all about the race and how it felt to race and win (my husband says that when he's racing it's the only time he feels truly alive).  What ever you do, don't justify the lying, just admit that you did it, say sorry, and be done with it.

I wish you the best of luck.

Dawn  

Just start crying and tell her you are sensitive. ;D

All I ask is this ...

Once you get this thing figured out, just email me to let me know what 'the story' is so I don't louse up your life by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time on the PA.

Gotchyo back, bruthu

QuoteAll I ask is this ...

Once you get this thing figured out, just email me to let me know what 'the story' is so I don't louse up your life by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time on the PA.

Gotchyo back, bruthu

LOL!!!!

Too funny!

Dawn   ;)

Well, hello race people. I am Larry's unsupportive wife. Actually, I have been compared to a bus among other things, so I was so thrilled to hear all of the wonderful advice that you all had to give.
One thing my dear husband failed to leave out was the fact that he told me that he would not and could not race if I didn't support him.
Also, the fact that this bike thing has come about in the last year is another tidbit of info he failed to mention. Before racing it was golf, football, sports cards, the list goes on. He told me that he would not ignore me for those things anymore, now he just spends every dollar on those bikes. Haven't seen one piece of jewelry, dinner, nothing. Got push back when I suggested a cruise, that we couldn't afford it!
We also have no children, something that he knew was important to me before we got married. He owns his own business that if he gets injured we could lose our house. I also have no idea the amount of money he has actuallly spent on this because he doesn't tell me. I do know that when I wanted to spend 500 on season football tickets, than I was read the riot act.
So, to all of you who think I am this awful person that he should just walk away from, there is my side of the story.

I read the intitial post, then skimmed though the replies and no one has responded to what blew me away....

QuoteI used to race in 93 and 94.
I wanted to return to racing and do the 05 season.  To prepare I did rider school at Roebling went straight back to expert and entered some races.  
Finished 1st,3rd,3rd, and 5th

Raced in 93 and 94....retired. Came back as expert almost a decade later and got 1st-5ths in 600cc expert your first weekend back?!
HOLY CHIT!


You are DA MAN!
(https://www.ccsforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv405%2FSpeedballer%2Fimag.jpg&hash=9933ed9424e5eb8bd9d41f94953aac05b0aaf9ba)

Quote. . .He told me that he would not ignore me for those things anymore, now he just spends every dollar on those bikes.

Haven't seen one piece of jewelry, dinner, nothing. Got push back when I suggested a cruise, that we couldn't afford it!

We also have no children, something that he knew was important to me before we got married. He owns his own business that if he gets injured we could lose our house. I also have no idea the amount of money he has actuallly spent on this because he doesn't tell me. I do know that when I wanted to spend 500 on season football tickets, than I was read the riot act. . .

 :) You're not awful. You just don't understand. Let me try and help - 1. At least he's not golfing or gambling. 2. Jewelry? What could be prettier than a race bike?! 3. You just hang in there. I'm sure next season you'll have great seats at the football game of your choice! (An entire season of football is a bit much. Do you realize what tires alone cost for a weekend?!) You can't take this away from him. Larry is a very quick and successful rider. Be proud and supportive. In fact, maybe get a second job. You can give him some extra money for a race weekend (remember, be supportive  ;D) and if you chose not to attend it will give you something to do to pass the time!

____________________________________________________________________________________________


____________________________________________________________________________________________

QuoteFinished 1st,3rd,3rd, and 5th and even won some Honda money, however, I told my wife I was at a "track day". . .

Larry - you sound fast. Buy some damn jewelry and give it to her over a nice dinner!

Take her to a football game and during the slow times ask her where she'd like to go on her cruise! (Make some use of that Honda money!)

If she still isn't crazy about this entire plan make sure the life insurance policy is paid up. Racing isn't cheap but it will help you get past your loss.  ;)

J/K  Get her out to the track and introduce her to some of the others. She'll have a great time!

QuoteWe also have no children, something that he knew was important to me before we got married. He owns his own business that if he gets injured we could lose our house. I also have no idea the amount of money he has actuallly spent on this because he doesn't tell me. I do know that when I wanted to spend 500 on season football tickets, than I was read the riot act.
So, to all of you who think I am this awful person that he should just walk away from, there is my side of the story.

Hello and welcome to the board....

Please forgive some of the boys who like to talk out their < insert your own word here >.   ;D

I can understand your desire to have children and your fear of him getting hurt and losing everything.  However, if we let our fears dictate our actions we will be living in fear our entire life.  That doesn't sound fun to me.

People ask me how I can let Paul race.  Afterall, we have a daughter, it takes both of our incomes to support our household, and what if he gets injured and becomes disabled?  While those are vaild concerns, the thought of missing out on the enjoyment and family time that we have in the sport well outweighs the risks.

Renee (our daughter) has spent many years at the track.  Like a very smart racer once said "color is the paint that you put on your bike and Creed is a band."  She has had the experience of meeting people of all nationalities and personalities and can't understand why people are prejudiced against others.  She also gets to witness others helping others when someone crashes, gets hurts or needs to fix there bike.  Racers are like one big family.  I don't know of any other activity where she could observe this type of behavior among adults and this will make her a better one in the future.

So....  What if Paul gets does hurt or killed? Well, I have tried to position ourselves that if he does get killed or disabled, that I have a way to maintain our household.  Here some hints:

Disability Income Insurance - - to replace the lost income if he would become disabled.

Life Insurance - - I make sure that we have enough on each other to cover all of our debt incase one of us should die.

Liquid Assets - - Cash, mutual funds, etc.  You just have to be sure not to be tempted to dip into them.

The most important thing in our lives is to trust in God.  What ever comes our way in our lives, we can handle it.  It may sound kinda silly to others, but we have gone through....

Almost losing Renee before she was even born....

I had surgery four months after our marriage and almost didn't wake up...

Renee had heart surgery at five years old...

Having one day to find a place to live for ourselves, 3 dogs, 2 cats, 4 horses, and a whole bunch of chickens.  (We sold our farm and was in the process of buying another, one day before we were to move in, the seller tried to back out.  That was 9 months of hell).

Paul and I work very hard as I'm sure Larry and yourself do.  Racing is a sport that we can enjoy together (we're in a motor home, we better get along  ;) ) it's our escape from the everyday doldrums.

Good luck and I wish you both well.

Dawn Buxton

Married 27 years, racing 34 years, crashed bad twice, died once, wife is nurse, still doing it but not as much. After a particuarly bad crash at Daytona in 1987 she asked me not to race, but only at Daytona. I didn't race there for five years and then I gont on my knees and begged and she relented.
Advice? Don't lie ever! If she objects strongly then you have to decide what's most important to you a lifelong mate or having fun.

QuoteWell, just an update.  It does appear that I've worn her down and racing is a go.  Of course, this could be the same situation as when you ask "Honey, are you mad?" and you get the "No, of course not" while she stares out the window, but we'll see.  I am going to race either way.  Thanks to everyone for the great advice, it certainly helped.  To Dawn and the rest of the gals I have one more question.  I still haven't come clean about the race I did in '04, what would be a good way to do that?  I was thinking over a nice dinner at her favorite restaurant...

she gave in to this season, why mess that up and tell her that you lied.

But then again,  if she goes to the races with you this season and someone mentions how well you did last season you could get yourself in trouble......you are damned if you do, damned if you don't.


 :P

Well, I guess it was the usual misread of a woman, it was the "I'm not mad" when she's really VERY mad type thing.  I'm not going to defend myself on a CCS board against my own wife.  I am so mentally stressed on a daily basis I wonder if I'll even be able to ride this season regardless of what she wants.
I wanted to go all out this season and try to get some sponsors, switch to an '04 to get some Honda $$ (hopefully) and when I say that I get grief.  However, without these things racing costs more money, then I get grief for that.  Tuna, You're right... $%^& if you do $%^& if you don't .
I tried to explain what racing, and competition means to me, but I am no good at expressing my feelings, never have been.  It's like technical jargon flows like water, but how I FEEL needs a translator on the way out and he's always napping (must be a union job :) . I am preregistered for a track day at Jennings, and then Daytona... after that, who knows?

MODERATORS --> shut it down! lock it up, put a bullet in this dead thread ... see everyone at Daytona

My 2cents..for what it's worth, (been married 25 years come april, you decide): you need to sort out this whole relationship thing before you decide to go racing again. Racing will be there, your marriage might not. What's more "important"?

Sit down and really think about what's important to you. If you were to NEVER race again, could you be happy? If you were to NEVER see you wife again, could you be happy?

Think of it this way: From childhood to adulthood, we are told we should do certain things, want certain things and expect certain things, and this will make us happy. Question is, if none of those things were never to occur, could you still be happy?

My answer has been yes, and here's why: No person, no place, no thing, no job, no hobby will ever make you happy. If you get a new toy or are successful at something, that elation is fleeting. However, if you become happy and content with who you are, without EVER owning a single thing, without EVER hearing praise from another person, without any valadation other than that which comes from within, you can achieve contentedness.

So BOTH of you need to work toward a solution as neither of your needs are being met in this marriage. Respect, communication, compromise and a bit of humor will go a long way. You both need to decide what makes you "happy". If you can respect the others needs, communicate that you understand their needs, but that yours have importance to you, compromise a solution, and laugh after you go through the porcess, I see you both be very happy people. Oh..and honesty? Something that's missing from your marriage on both sides, yet a must if you two are to work this out.

Yeah.....

What Alexa said.

 ;)

"So....  What if Paul gets does hurt or killed? Well, I have tried to position ourselves that if he does get killed or disabled, that I have a way to maintain our household.  Here some hints:
 
Disability Income Insurance - - to replace the lost income if he would become disabled.
 
Life Insurance - - I make sure that we have enough on each other to cover all of our debt incase one of us should die.
 
Liquid Assets - - Cash, mutual funds, etc.  You just have to be sure not to be tempted to dip into them."

Thank you for your practical advice. But Larry cannot get disability insurance because he is self employed. He has no life insurance policy and the only reason that "started" looking them was at my insistence. He still doesn't have one and expects me to be proactive in the search. The only thing he cares about are those bikes and his racing "career." He has made it abundantly clear to me that the racing is his main priority, he does not care about what would happen in the event that something happens to him.
I wish we had some sort of savings, but the $ we had is sitting out there in the garage. Little by little I was being taken for a ride, pardon the pun.
This racing thing is just another tic mark on the list of things that he has done for himself, and I just can't take it anymore.
Thank you to all of you that gave your advice.

Ok, now we can finally shut this thread down.  After 3 days of what I can only describe as all out war between my wife and I, I have relented.  I am done with racing for good.  The mental stress I've been put under has now exceeded any enjoyment I get from riding.  Probably for the best because at 32, it really is time to pack it in, play golf and other "safe" things.  I'm considering becoming a tuner of some sort as I have a knack for building really fast bikes... and I really enjoy that.  Of course, I'll probably need some insurance for my knuckles, a tetnus shot, mechanix gloves, a disability policy for when I sprain a wrist while torqueing an axle, and a liability policy for when someone sues because they're down a few HP  ::) I am going to post all of my stuff for sale... and it is a lot of stuff, everything from tire warmers to CCS certificates so if you need anything go check in the classifieds.
Been great while it lasted, everyone have a great season, hopefully I'll see you all at the track in some capacity in the future.