Anyone else here have a significant other who demands they quit riding........dont quite know how to handle it.....so after 15 years of marraige my answer is .....yes dear.
Sorry to hear that. Don't have any advise though as my wife demands I NOT stop racing. After 18 years she knows me well enough that she cannot stand me if I am not racing.
Tell her you'll quit riding if she quits shopping.:biggrin:
I'd be looking for another wife. Mine tried to give me the ol' "you love the track, more than you love me"... and became rather apoplectic when I didn't have a better reply than shrugging my shoulders and saying "uh-huh- and your point is?"
Why after 15 years would she say that?
I'd demand she quit.....nagging me, that is. :blahblah:
i said the same thing to my last 2 girlfriends: "i was doing this before i met you," and "you know what you signed up for."
in your case, my first question to my wife would be, "why?"
why after 15 years is she now telling you to quit?
Does she go to the track with you?
Sadly today the media (in it's many forms) has socially trained both men and women to believe certain things that are not true. ATTRACTION is an extremely powerful emotion in women and is what keeps many/most women with their man, remove the attraction aspects of a relationship and many/most relationships will fade or fail. The most common mistake the media has trained many women to do is to try and control their man and also change him so he's less attractive to other women (to reduce the amount of cheating opportunities he potentially has). The problem with this is it generally backfires and she looses attraction for him as well, this exact scenerio happened with 6 guys I personally have known for quite a while. In the case of 3 of them they were great freinds of mine, all were fun guys that were very active (motorcycles, Jet-Ski's, snowmobiles, sports cars, etc.) and balanced that fun with their girlfreinds who then became their wives (I believe all 3 of them met their future wives thru owning motorcycles). It was sad to watch over time as all 3 of them were pressured by their wives to get rid of all their 'toys' and 'grow-up' (though in these cases the only 'toys' that weren't already paid for were their cars, so it wasn't to get rid of payments). The typical trend in these situations was that as soon as their kids gained some independence the wives no longer had that 'blind love' that young children have for their mothers (which is a very powerful emotion in itself), once those strong emotions were no longer present the wives started looking for that emotional 'fix' somewhere else. This is when they took a step back and realized that even though their husbands might be 'nice guys', they no longer inspired the strong emotions in them that they need and desire. This is the stage when all 6 of the guys I'm taking about had their wives cheat on them, ironically in EVERY case they cheated on their husbands with a 'bad boy' type. WHY? Because those guys inspired strong emotions in them, those emotions create strong ATTRACTION.
I personally had watched this scenerio happen over and over with so many couples and never saw it, the difference today is that I know what to look for and it's so obvious to me now. Call me a geek, but I actually spend ALOT of time researching the subject of attraction and have learned a tremendous amount about it. What I'm saying here is certainly not meant in a negative way toward women, it's merely information that I've collected from numerous sources that is amazingly accurate. In your case I personally believe that if you give up this part of 'who you are' without having something else that makes you attractive to her you will probably notice a drop in the attraction your wife feels toward you over time. That 'bad boy' side of you that has the balls to race inspires strong emotions in her, whether she expresses them outwardly or not. Women are taught by the media to 'test' their man (not saying that all women follow thru with this though), to see how much power she has over you, I believe this is one of those 'tests'. Women love a man who stands up for what he wants and believes, not a passifist ass-kisser who jumps every time she says jump - in most of those cases those relationships will eventually fail because he was too much of a 'nice guy'. I'm not in any way implying to be mean, I'm saying to stand up for what YOU want. Why are women attracted to the 'bad boy'? Because he's who HE wants to be, he does what he want's to do and brings her along for the emotional ride, he appreciates her but doesn't do everything she wants, he's not boring - he's sending her on an emotional rollercoaster ride that's like a drug for her. I can't tell you how many times I've heard women say how the best part of their relationships is when they have disagreements and 'make-up' afterwards - that's because it sent them thru an emotional rollercoaster that's a very powerful emotional drug to them. Why else do you think women stay with men who treat then like crap? Because they experience the rises and falls in emotion they so strongly desire when they are with him.
The question I think you need to answer for yourself is this: are you creating EMOTIONS in your wife that make her feel ATTRACTION for you, or are you just another person living in the same house as her? If other parts of who you are fullfill those desires in her then leaving racing may work for you (though I still believe this is a 'test' to see if you will 'obey' her command), either way I believe your wife MAY be at a point in her life were she's seeking emotions and MAY not even realize it herself. This may be a pivotol point in your relationship, make sure that your decision doesn't backfire and actually cause her to feel LESS attraction for you.
Take what I've said here as you will, but I truely have researched this topic for some time now. I'm certainly not an expert on this subject, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night! 8)
Damn, I have to say that is some impressive $hit Mike. i have to agree 100%. Racing is not something we do, it's who we are
Well said Mike.
And that also might be why Mike has sex with his hand at night! :biggrin: Wait I forgot the smiley :jerkoff: :lmao:
Quote from: Kal on July 29, 2007, 09:20:34 PM
And that also might be why Mike has sex with his hand at night! :biggrin: Wait I forgot the smiley :jerkoff: :lmao:
Only while looking at that picture of you wearing rain boots while doing something behind that sheep! :spank:
With present day divorce rates being apx. 2 out of every 3 marriages today, there's defenitely a problem. That's like saying you have a 6 shot revolver, load 4 of the chambers randomly and close the gun, spin it, then hold it to your head and pull the trigger. The chances of getting 1 of the 2 empty chambers is the same as a marriage lasting today. Kinda puts it in a different perspective.
I'm not slamming on women in this thread, I'm merely pointing out some things that are not general knowledge to many men. The extent that emotions effect most women's lives is far greater than I think most guys realize, those emotions are what cause attraction. Eliminate the emotional attraction aspect of a male/female relationship and you will most likely see that relationship end or deteriorate considerably. I'm certainly not saying this is some negative aspect of women, it's purely part of many women's programming and a simple fact of how they operate. Knowledge of this and some other things can be a tremendous aspect in not only developing attraction, but maintaining it as well. Loss of attraction is by far the #1 thing that results in divorce.
HOW DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE OF ME IN RAIN BOOTS!! :wah:
Mssr. SlowDoc, I'd also like to know if she has a reason why.
Mike, I don't think yer slamming on women, but you're painting a pretty one sided picture of divorce. (which is based a lot on personal experience with your own friends, which I understand) I'm curious what the male side of the coin is since I refuse to believe that most divorces are the women's fault. Like if many women are attracted to the "bad boy", why are many men attracted to bat-shit crazy girls? I'm sorry you had so many friends have wives that cheated.
I didn't intend my responses to sound like women are the cause for divorce, I put blame very strongly on the inaccurate influences of the media in it's many forms on the public, both men and women. The reason I responded like I did is because in this particular case she is the one demanding change, she apparently has something going on personally for her to feel this way, I merely explained some things that many men may be oblivious to.
Men definitely can initiate divorces, but in general our decisions are not nearly as driven by emotions as compared to those of women. I'm certainly not saying that either way is better, it's just different ways of approaching things. Guys will generally divorce for different reasons than women, for example a guys loss of attraction for a woman will often times be at more of a physical level, where as a women's loss of attraction for a guy is more often at an emotion level. Guys do indeed feel emotional attraction to women as well, but not nearly like many women do.
and it never dawned on anyone that perhaps his wife looked at their medical and life insurance plans and realized they could be in a bad situation? Or one of a million other reasons?
I'd really wait to get a bit more information before dispensing any advice (other than "get more information").
Just my $.02
he still hasn't answered everybody's first question, which was "why?"
Jeff - there's two distinctly different conversations going on... one is a good way to pass the time till we get more information. I'm curious as to why too.
Mike - 'sall good. The attraction bit makes sense, and agree about different motivations. I was just curious to hear you turn it around.
i know another guy who was in your predicament. He listened to his wife. I dont think racing is worth losing the woman you love. We have to understand what a crazy sport we are in. Everyone has had at least one very serious injury. Most wives don't (not all) understand why we do it. I think the best way to go about it is tell your wife reasons why you love racing hopefully she'll understand.
Quote from: Jeff on July 30, 2007, 09:36:30 AM
and it never dawned on anyone that perhaps his wife looked at their medical and life insurance plans and realized they could be in a bad situation? Or one of a million other reasons?
You're right, of course. By him using the word "demand" I was assuming this was another one of those wife vs. husband control issues. I like balance.
Quote from: SlowDocDavis on July 28, 2007, 05:18:09 PM
Anyone else here have a significant other who demands they quit riding........dont quite know how to handle it.....so after 15 years of marraige my answer is .....yes dear.
tell her that when she quits doing what she enjoys, then you will quit. she's your wife, not your mother. and if she's going to drop you because of racing then you have much bigger problems than racing anyway.
My other half told me no more bikes after my second one. so i got 5 more and just never told her till after the fact. and the 2 days of silence you get from things like that is well worth it too.
Quote from: Court Jester on July 30, 2007, 05:07:59 PM
and the 2 days of silence you get from things like that is well worth it too.
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
I don't always understand why people would ask someone stop doing something they are passionate about. I am very passionate about what I do at the track, and I like to think I understand what drives racers to get out there. I certainly would resent someone who would tell me I have to quit "racing." There would have to be some profound reason for me to stop working at the tracks.
Well I believe he said she told him to quit riding, which probably implies racing ,duh. I tried quiting. Like someone else said it is who you are, not something you
can turn on and off. I have tried MANY other sports,
activities, high risk occupations and nothing can compare
to racing. Weather it is bikes, cars, karts, shoping carts,
rollers skates etc. I agree you have bigger problems.
Quote from: Jeff on July 30, 2007, 09:36:30 AM
and it never dawned on anyone that perhaps his wife looked at their medical and life insurance plans and realized they could be in a bad situation? Or one of a million other reasons?
I'd really wait to get a bit more information before dispensing any advice (other than "get more information").
Just my $.02
Jeff, you are quite right that noone here has an answer to the why question and I would like to see an answer to that myself. As I noted in his other thread selling stuff, I would have to do some serious soul searching.
As far as the implication that racing is dangerous or insurance issues, I'll weigh in on that issue with "I almost died the last time I went to work". Jeff, I realize it is only one of the alternative issues that you threw out there but one of my pet peaves. Any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow, HAVE FUN TODAY, don't live to regret what you didn't do.
That said,
What's up doc?
I'm with barb_arah. It's not fair to ask someone to give up their passion.
If there is a compelling reason ("we can't buy new school clothes for the kids because every penny goes into the d@mn bike"), that's a different story and should be elucidated by the requestor.
I broke up with a guy because he had the audacity to lecture me about how "dangerous" bikes are.... when he's never BEEN on one, never taken MSF, etc. WHATever. Of course, we'd only been dsating a few weeks, so not a lot of investment there... :kicknuts:
My wife said she'd be gone if I went racing.
Annnnd I'm gonna miss her, when I get home.
I know it was fishing, but.....
:cheers:
Maybe she read this post and now she demands he stop using the computer?! :spank:
All kidding aside, I hope it works out for the best.
what a frickin scam...the guy was trying to get sympathy and then trying to "sell" his stuff and all he was doing was robbing people
http://www.ccsforum.com/index.php?topic=17891.0
yup. quite sneaky. i should've suspected something when he wasn't replying to any of the posts.
Freaken' white people...
Quote from: wolf44 on August 02, 2007, 05:08:58 PM
what a frickin scam...the guy was trying to get sympathy and then trying to "sell" his stuff and all he was doing was robbing people
http://www.ccsforum.com/index.php/topic,17891.0.html
Why isn't anyone smiting the guy?
What difference does it make? he's banned and won't be back.
And if you look in his other 'classifieds' posts, he put up another over some pirelli tires and then without anyone else responding replies to himself "Thanks for buying the tires Brian, glad it worked out" or some shit.
Actually he/she/it did a pretty good job at instilling trust here before he/she/it went in for the kill. The fatal flaw here is that NOTHING on the internet is anonymous. Nothing.
between your IP address, email trails and paypal, you will be caught...
BTW its a comcast account in Johnson City, TN :D
My wife gave up her horses because I love to race so much. This year hasa definitely been a wake up call though. I crashed at a very high rate of speed and I started looking at how my wife could lose everything if I couldn't work anymore. I am not so worried about dying than serious injury.
Quote from: Woofentino Pugrossi on August 03, 2007, 05:23:20 PM
BTW its a comcast account in Johnson City, TN :D
If anyone wants to go to the court house and file suit on their own, all it takes is a subpoena to get the guys address and phone number that Comcast has on file. You can do it yourself for less than 100 bucks.
Everybody that got screwed should pitch in a few bucks and then take a road trip over the winter. Of course, most of us have to pass through Tennessee on the way to Daytona anyway.
Quote from: Jeff on August 03, 2007, 10:03:34 AM
What difference does it make? he's banned and won't be back.
Because it's fun?
If not, why have it for anyone?
Quote from: Gixxerblade on August 03, 2007, 06:30:11 PM
My wife gave up her horses because I love to race so much. This year hasa definitely been a wake up call though. I crashed at a very high rate of speed and I started looking at how my wife could lose everything if I couldn't work anymore. I am not so worried about dying than serious injury.
get some good disability insurance. It's the most under-insured area. That will take care of your wife and you if you were to become injured and could not work. Everyone should have that insurance in this sport!